The Ugly American

Recently got on Ancestry.com. This is what I've found!

2012-01-09T08:55:00.001-05:00

This is how far I've traced my family back. Hester Roberts was the 1st person in my family tree born here, in what would eventually become the United States of America. She was born in New Hampshire, as was her daughter Mary Martin. Mary Martin moved to New Jersey and her daughter, Mary Hull, was the first of my ancestors to be born in Jersey.

Too freaking cool!!!

Hester Roberts (1626 - 1687)
is your 9th great grandmother
Mary Martin (1649 - 1694)
Daughter of Hester
Mary Hull (1670 - 1757)
Daughter of Mary
Anne Runyon (1702 - 1737)
Daughter of Mary
Catherine Weatherill (1718 - 1810)
Daughter of Anne
William Bastedo (1754 - 1843)
Son of Catherine
Thomas VonTillburg Bastedo (1798 - 1866)
Son of William
William A Bastedo (1832 - 1861)
Son of Thomas VonTillburg
George Wesley Stoney Bastedo (1858 - 1939)
Son of William A
Mary Esther Bastedo (1909 - 1993)
Daughter of George Wesley Stoney
Andrew Marsh (1937 - )
Son of Mary Esther
Andrew Marsh
You are the son of Andrew

Email from a friend...

2012-01-05T13:51:00.001-05:00

Made me laugh!

A Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist who was badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state.

The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.
The Marine reported, I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.

I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved. and he yelled back that Barack Obama is a lying,
good-for-nothing, left wing Commie who isn't even an American. So I said that Osama Bin Laden dressed and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian! He retaliated by yelling, Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!.
And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us.

Happy New Year!

2011-12-31T09:34:00.001-05:00

Have you met Roxanne? She makes me smile...alot!

Religion and Christmas. An agnostic point of view.

2011-12-16T11:42:00.005-05:00

I've had a few eye opening experiences in my life when it comes to religion, probably more than a few.

I was raised a catholic and spent 11 years in catholic school from kindergarten through tenth grade. When I was young, we went to church every Sunday. That’s my mom and me. Pop never went to church except for weddings, christenings and funerals. I think the first time I ever questioned my religion was when I was around ten years old. My mom got pregnant with what would have been my second little brother, but he was still born.

Now, in the Catholic Church they teach that if you don’t get baptized, you have original sin on your soul and you go to hell. And this didn’t sit too well with my ten year old self. The thought that my little brother was going to hell for something that was done in the Garden of Eden was just wrong. But I dared not question it. The wrath of the nuns at Our Lady Star of the Sea could be brutal! So, I kept my mouth shut and just kinda stewed on it for a while.

In 7th grade, when I first realized what a virgin was I asked my teacher, a nun, how a virgin could possibly have a kid. The answer came in the form of a backhand across the face. Like I said, the wrath of the nuns at Star of the Sea could be brutal. It may have been my smart assed tone that got me the smack, but that’s beside the point!

We were also taught evolution right alongside of creationism and no teacher ever tried to reconcile these differing points of view. We were left to figure it out ourselves I guess. I went along with the theory that we didn’t really become people until we stood up straight and that happened about the same time as we discovered the garden and the apple tree. Hey, I had to figure something out!

Around eighth grade my mom stopped going to church, but I was still into it. There wasn’t a Catholic Church within 10 miles of where we lived so I started going to church with my grandma who was a Methodist. Totally against the Catholic religion, by the way, to attend services in a non Catholic Church, but I was really into it. The Methodists only did communion once a month. It was a little white bread square and a shot glass full of grape juice.

I had been going to church with my grandma for a few weeks when we were walking up to church one Sunday morning and she asked me if I was going to take communion that day. I told grandma I couldn’t take communion, I hadn’t been to confession! Grandma told me that in her church, if I had something to confess, I spoke straight to God. There wasn’t any reason to go through a middle man! Wow! What a concept! I didn’t have to be embarrassed by the priest behind the screen who knew who I was even though I was behind a screen? I really liked that idea! I took communion that day and a few more times at the Methodist Church, until they started a Catholic parish near where I lived and I started going to Catholic services again in a public school down the road from my house.

I went on to be “confirmed” in that parish and there’s a plate in St. Anselm’s from that first confirmation ceremony with my name and the name of a bunch of other kids at the church to this day. Part of the ceremony when I went through it is the bishop of the diocese asking a bunch of questions about Catholicism. The bishop actually told me to sit down because I knew the answers to every one of the questions he asked! Like I said, I was into it. And you get to take a confirmation name! I never had a middle name until then! I don’t use it, but I have one if I want it!

During this time I rode several different school buses to and from school. I got on a bus that went to the local Public HS, the one I ended up graduating from, then it picked up a bunch of middle school kids. From the middle school I transferred to a bus that picked up 2 different Catholic grammar schools. At one point during this time I met a girl on one of the buses who told me she wasn’t baptized. I was shocked! How could her parents do that to her? What if something happened? She’d go straight to hell! She told me that her parents thought it was a good idea to wait for her to be old enough to decide for herself if she wanted to join a particular religion. I thought this was another great idea. It’s why my daughters aren’t baptized.

There’s more eye openers, like when they said at St. Anselm’s that every working person in the family should be giving $50 a week and I was only making $75. The thought that my grandfather, who rarely, if ever, went to church wouldn’t be in heaven because he never went, when I knew in my heart that he was the nicest guy on the planet. Couple that with a stillborn baby brother who never did anything wrong and it was pretty much about all I could handle. And how much the church paid for the property where St. Anselm’s is located. Property that used to belong to my grandma…

Anyway, there is a point to all of this…

Through all of that, I never gave up on Christmas! I like this holiday! My girls like it too. It’s a fun time. Yeah, it’s stressful. Especially when you don’t have a pocket full of cash to get the ones you love and care about everything they want, even though that’s not what it’s all about anyway. I still wanna do it! I had a car repo’d one year because I wanted to make sure my girls had Christmas and didn’t really care about all the other stuff. I know, a little irresponsible Andy! So what!

When breaking out a 30’ ladder didn’t tweak my back I used to love doing the Griswold thing and lighting up my house so Santa could find it in a blizzard! I’ll still sit down with a cup of hot chocolate and read “’Twas the Night Before Christmas” to my 22 year old daughter on Christmas Eve! And she’ll still love it just as much as me. I hope that never changes, although I know it will someday.
There’s also the nice family dinner. And in my house it’s not like Thanksgiving when you get together with all your extended family, it’s pretty much always been just us, me and the girls. There were times when we were around a lot of family, but most of the time, because we always lived so far from home, it was just us.

I know a lot of people have differing views from the one I’ve bought up here. But the point is, just because you wanna be Ebenezer Scrooge doesn’t mean you have to take the fun away from everybody else!

Merry Christmas!

CHECK YOUR MAIL

2011-11-16T11:34:00.001-05:00

Just wanted to let you know - today I received my 2011 Social Security Stimulus Package.
It contained two watermelon seeds, a cornbread mix, a prayer rug, a machine to blow smoke up your ass and 10 coupons to KFC.

The directions were in Spanish.

A little humor...well, it's funny to me!!!!

2011-11-02T09:10:00.001-04:00

One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up - fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman... and so forth..

However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes to music in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and took little Justin aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"

"No," the boy said, "He works for the Democratic National Committee and helped to get Obama elected, but it's too embarrassing to say that in front of the other kids.

Pay attention!

2011-09-30T14:07:00.000-04:00

You have two families: "Joe Legal" and "Jose Illegal". Both families
have two parents, two children, and live in California .

Joe Legal works in construction, has a Social Security Number and makes
$25.00 per hour with taxes deducted.

Jose Illegal also works in construction, has NO Social Security Number,
and gets paid $15.00 cash "under the table".

Ready? Now pay attention....

Joe Legal: $25.00 per hour x 40 hours = $1000.00 per week, or $52,000.00
per year. Now take 30% away for state and federal tax; Joe Legal now has
$31,231.00.

Jose Illegal: $15.00 per hour x 40 hours = $600.00 per week, or
$31,200.0 0 per year. Jose Illegal pays no taxes. Jose Illegal now has
$31,200.00.

Joe Legal pays medical and dental insurance with limited coverage for his
family at $600.00 per month, or $7,200.00 per year. Joe Legal now has
$24,031.00.

Jose Illegal has full medical and dental coverage through the state and
local clinics and emergency hospitals at a cost of $0.00 per year. Jose
Illegal still has $31,200.00.

Joe Legal makes too much money and is not eligible for food stamps or
welfare. Joe Legal pays $500.00 per month for food, or $6,000.00 per
year. Joe Legal now has $18,031.00.

Jose Illegal has no documented income and is eligible for food stamps,
WIC and welfare. Jose Illegal still has $31,200.00.

Joe Legal pays rent of $1,200.00 per month, or $14,400.00 per year. Joe
Legal now has 9,631 .00.

Jose Illegal receives a $500.00 per month Federal Rent Subsidy. Jose
Illegal pays out that $500.00 per month, or $6,000.00 per year. Jose
Illegal still has $ 31,200.00.

Joe Legal pays $200.00 per month, or $2,400.00 for car insurance. Some of
that is uninsured motorist insurance. Joe Legal now has $7,231.00.

Jose Illegal says, "We don't need no stinkin' insurance!" and still has
$31,200.00.

Joe Legal has to make his $7,231.00 stretch to pay utilities, gasoline,
etc..

Jose Illegal has to make his $31,200.00 stretch to pay utilities,
gasoline, and what he sends out of the country every month..

Joe Legal now works overtime on Saturdays or gets a part time job after
work.

Jose Illegal has nights and weekends off to enjoy with his family.

Joe Legal's and Jose Illegal's children both attend the same elementary
school. Joe Legal pays for his children's lunches, while Jose Illegal's
children get a government sponsored lunch. Jose Illegal's children have
an after school ESL program. Joe Legal's children go home.

Now, when they reach college age, Joe Legal's kids may not get into a
State School and may not qualify for scholarships, grants or other
tuition help, even though Joe has been paying for State Schools through
his taxes, while Jose Illegal's kids "go to the head of the class"
because they are a minority.

Joe Legal and Jose Illegal both enjoy the same police and fire services,
but Joe paid for them and Jose did not pay.

Do you get it, now?

If you vote for or support any politician that supports illegal aliens...
You are part of the problem!

We need to keep this going--we need to make changes ASAP!

It's way PAST time to take a stand for America and Americans!

I remember...

2011-09-11T07:29:00.001-04:00

When I was younger people would sometimes ask if I remembered where I was when Kennedy was shot. I was only 4, so, no, I don't remember.

As this date approached, I started to think of those dates I do remember.

One of the earliest dates I remember is July 20, 1969. I remember my dad waking me up to come sit in front of the TV and watch Neil Armstrong take his first step on the moon. Black and white images on a color TV. Thanks pop!

I remember the day my grandfather died. He was the first family member that I was close to to pass away when I was old enough to really understand it. He was my moms dad and he passed away the day before Mothers Day in 82.

I remember the day I joined the navy and the day I retired from it too. We renewed our wedding vows the day I retired. I surprised her. I remember the chaplain asking, "What if she says no?" I told him if she said no, she couldn't come to the party!

I remember the day I got married and the day my girls were born.

Most recently, I remember the day my granddaughter was born. Probably because just the other day, when someone asked me her birthday I couldn't remember it. That's another day I'll not soon forget. The day I forgot my granddaughters birthday!

I remember September 11, 2001 too. We lived in AZ then. I was getting ready for work, with the news on in the background. I was talking to a friend in Oklahoma City. I remember telling him I had to go and he should turn on the news.

I can't say exactly why, but it crushed me. It hurt. Maybe growing up watching them being built. Or standing at the bottom of them and looking up. Or the view from the top on a clear day. The thought of all those people... I almost took a job there just a couple of years earlier. Thank goodness Dee didn't want our girls to grow up to be "big haired, gum popping, Jersey bitches". Her words, not mine.

Ten years later I still get a little choked up thinking about it. But when I think of that day, ten years ago, the thing that I like to remember most is those people that were on Flight 93. They stood up and said, Hell No! They were the first to stand up and say Hell no!

And no matter what our government says, I remember who did it and why they did it. The thought that there are people in this world that would twist a religion into a belief that their god wants them to do shit like this makes me sick to my stomach.

I keep hearing, life is short...

2011-08-28T00:55:00.001-04:00

I'll get right to it....

My cousin, Joseph Christopher McPherson, Marsh passed away Thursday night. Folks in Wayside new him as Joe. He lived with my grandmother and his brother, David, Michael and his sister Shirley Lynne, on the farm that is the St. Anselms rectory on Wayside Rd. Folks in East Brunswick new him as Jo Jo. He was a good guy, with an infectious laugh. He could make you laugh just by laughing. A big guy, he stopped a bunch of fights just because he was big. He was really big. And Carol, his tiny little lady, is the sweetest he could've ever found. Tinier than the Mug and she's tinier than Dee! We grew up together and I miss him.

I always loved you Joe

Hey Democrats! Pick one!

2011-08-22T08:51:00.001-04:00

A List That Explains Most Everything...

When your friends cannot explain why they voted for Democrats, give them this list. They can then pick their reasons.

1. I voted Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn't.

2. I voted Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

3. I voted Democrat because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

4. I voted Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.

5. I voted Democrat because I believe that people who can't tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don't start driving a Prius.

6. I voted Democrat because I'm not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.

7. I voted Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits.

8. I voted Democrat because I believe that business should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrats see fit.

9. I voted Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

10. I voted Democrat because I think that it's better to pay billions to people who hate us for their oil, but not drill our own because it might upset some endangered beetle or gopher.

11. I voted Democrat because while we live in the greatest, most wonderful country in the world, I was promised "HOPE AND CHANGE".

A little multiple choice for a Saturday...

2011-07-16T08:19:00.000-04:00

Please pause for a moment, reflect back, and take the following Multiple
Choice test. (The events are actual cuts from past history. They actually
happened! Do you remember?)

1. In 1972 at the Munich Olympics, athletes were kidnapped and massacred
by:

a. Olga Corbett
b. Sitting Bull
c. Arnold Schwarzenegger
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

2. In 1979, the U.S. embassy in Iran was taken over by:

a. Lost Norwegians
b. Elvis and his entourage
c. A tour bus full of 80-year-old women
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

3. During the 1980's a number of Americans were kidnapped in Lebanon by:

a. John Dillinger
b. The King of Sweden
c. A Boy Scout troop from Newark NJ
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

4. In 1983, the U.S. Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by:

a. A Domino's pizza delivery boy
b. Pee Wee Herman
c. Geraldo Rivera searching for Al Capone's secret vault
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

5. In 1985 the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked and a 70-year
old American passenger was murdered and thrown overboard in his wheelchair
by:

a. Kermit the Frog
b. The cast of the Love Boat
c. The Little Mermaid
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

6. In 1985 TWA flight 847 was hijacked at Athens, and a U.S. Navy
diver trying to rescue passengers was murdered by:

a. Captain Kid
b. Clarence Thomas
c. Lee Marvin
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

7. In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by:

a. Scooby Doo
b. Moe, Curly and Larry
c. Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

8. In 1993 the World Trade Center was bombed the first time by:

a. Richard Simmons
b. Joan Rivers (pre-facelift #42)
c. Michael Jordan
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

9. In 1998, the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by:

a. Mr. Rogers
b. Hillary, to distract attention from her husband's latest bimbo eruption
c. Vince McMahon and The World Wrestling Federation
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

10. On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked; two were used as missiles to
take out the World Trade Centers and of the remaining two, one crashed into
the Pentagon and the other was diverted to a crash in a Pennsylvania field
by the passengers. Thousands of people were killed by:

a. Bugs Bunny, Wiley E. Coyote, Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd
b. The Supreme Court of Florida
c. Mr. Bean
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

11. In 2002 the United States fought a war in Afghanistan against:

a. Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker
b. The Baptist Church
c. The National Football League
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

12. In 2002,reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by:

a. Bonny and Clyde
b. Jimmy Kimmel and that other loser from The Man Show
c. Billy Graham
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

Nope,.........I really don't see a pattern here to justify profiling,
do you?

So, to ensure we Americans never, ever offend anyone, particularly fanatics
who still believe toilet paper is a sin and are intent on killing us,
airport security screeners will no longer be allowed to profile certain people. They
must conduct random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids, airline
pilots with proper identification, Secret Service agents with proper ID who
are members of the President's security detail, 85-year old Congressmen with
metal hips, and Medal of Honor winning former Governors.

2nd Amendment kinda stuff for you!

2011-06-29T10:12:00.001-04:00

Words of wisdom,

If you own a gun, you will appreciate this. If not, you should get one and learn how to use it.

Shooting Advice:

Cops carry guns to protect themselves, not to protect you.

Never let someone or thing that threatens you get inside arm’s length and never say "I’ve got a gun". If you feel you need to use deadly force for heaven’s sake let the "first sound they hear be the safety clicking off", and they shouldn't have time to hear anything after that if you are doing your job.

'The average response time of a 911 call is over 23 minutes… the response time of a .44 magnum is 0.02 seconds.'

Clint Smith, Director of Thunder Ranch, is a drill instructor (Thunder Ranch is a firearms training facility in Arizona ). Here are a few of his observations on tactics, firearms, self-defense and life as we know it in the civilized world.

"The most important rule in a gunfight is: Always win and cheat if necessary."

"Don't forget, incoming fire has the right of way.."

"Make your attacker advance through a wall of bullets. You may get killed with your own gun, but he'll have to beat you to death with it, cause it's going to be empty."

"If you're not shooting', you should be loading'. If you're not loading', you should be moving', if you're not moving', someone's going to cut your head off and put it on a stick."

"When you reload in low light encounters, don't put your flashlight in your back pocket.. If you light yourself up, you'll look like an angel or the tooth fairy... and you're going to be one of 'em pretty soon."

"Do something. It may be wrong, but do something."

"Shoot what's available, as long as it's available, until something else becomes available."

"If you carry a gun, people will call you paranoid.. That's ridiculous. If you have a gun, what in the hell do you have to be paranoid for?"

"Don't shoot fast, unless you also shoot good."

"You can say 'stop' or 'alto' or use any other word you think will work, but I've found that a large bore muzzle pointed at someone's head is pretty much the universal language."

"You have the rest of your life to solve your problems.. How long you live depends on how well you do it."

"You cannot save the planet, but you may be able to save yourself and your family."

"Thunder Ranch will be here as long as you'll have us or until someone makes us go away, and either way, it will be exciting."

More Excellent Gun Wisdom…

The purpose of fighting is to win. There is no possible victory in defense. The sword is more important than the shield, and skill is more important than either. The final weapon is the brain. All else is supplemental.

1. Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.

2. If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck.

3. I carry a gun cause a cop is too heavy.

4. When seconds count, the cops are just minutes away.

5. A reporter did a human-interest piece on the Texas Rangers. The reporter recognized the Colt Model 1911 the Ranger was carrying and asked him 'Why do you carry a 45?' The Ranger responded, 'Because they don't make a 46.'

6. An armed man will kill an unarmed man with monotonous regularity.

7. The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented on his wearing his sidearm. 'Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you expecting trouble?' 'No ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my rifle.'

8. Beware of the woman who only has one gun, because she probably knows how to use it very well.

'The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.' G. K. Chesterton

A people that values its privileges above its principles will soon lose both.

"Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not..." - Thomas Jefferson.

Who said that?

2011-06-28T10:32:00.000-04:00

We ask that the government undertake the obligation above all of providing citizens with adequate opportunity for employment and earning a living. The activities of the individual must not be allowed to clash with the interests of the community, but must take place within its confines and be for the good of all.

Therefore, we demand:... an end to the power of the financial interests.
We demand profit sharing in big business.
We demand a broad extension of care for the aged.
We demand... the greatest possible consideration of small business in the purchases of national, state, and municipal governments. In order to make possible to every capable and industrious [citizen] the attainment of higher education and thus the achievement of a post of leadership, the government must provide an all-around enlargement of our entire system of public education...
We demand the education at government expense of gifted children of poor parents... The government must undertake the improvement of public health—by protecting mother and child, by prohibiting child labor... by the greatest possible support for all clubs concerned with the physical education of youth.

We combat the... materialistic spirit within and without us, and are convinced that a permanent recovery of our people can only proceed from within on the foundation of the common good before the individual good.

Sounds all peachy and nice don't it? Sounds a lot like where we are today, don't it?

It was the NAZI Party platform in 1920!

Where the hell are we headed.

Letter from a 95 year old WWII vet. It's true, checked it on Snopes!

2011-06-16T12:24:00.002-04:00

Dear President Obama,

My name is Harold Estes, approaching 95 on December 13 of this year. People meeting me for the first time don't believe my age because I remain wrinkle free and pretty much mentally alert..

I enlisted in the U.S. Navy in 1934 and served proudly before, during and after WW II retiring as a Master Chief Bos'n Mate. Now I live in a "rest home" located on the western end of Pearl Harbor, allowing me to keep alive the memories of 23 years of service to my country.

One of the benefits of my age, perhaps the only one, is to speak my mind, blunt and direct even to the head man.

So here goes.

I am amazed, angry and determined not to see my country die before I do, but you seem hell bent not to grant me that wish.

I can't figure out what country you are the president of.

You fly around the world telling our friends and enemies despicable lies like:

" We're no longer a Christian nation"

" America is arrogant" - (Your wife even announced to the world,"America is mean-
spirited." Please tell her to try preaching that nonsense to 23 generations of our war dead buried all over the globe who died for no other reason than to free a whole lot of strangers from tyranny and hopelessness.)

I'd say shame on the both of you, but I don't think you like America, nor do I see an ounce of gratefulness in anything you do, for the obvious gifts this country has given you. To be without shame or gratefulness is a dangerous thing for a man sitting in the White House.

After 9/11 you said," America hasn't lived up to her ideals."

Which ones did you mean? Was it the notion of personal liberty that 11,000 farmers and shopkeepers died for to win independence from the British? Or maybe the ideal that no man should be a slave to another man, that 500,000 men died for in the Civil War? I hope you didn't mean the ideal 470,000 fathers, brothers, husbands, and a lot of fellas I knew personally died for in WWII, because we felt real strongly about not letting any nation push us around, because we stand for freedom.

I don't think you mean the ideal that says equality is better than discrimination. You know the one that a whole lot of white people understood when they helped to get you elected.

Take a little advice from a very old geezer, young man.

Shape up and start acting like an American. If you don't, I'll do what I can to see you get shipped out of that fancy rental on Pennsylvania Avenue.. You were elected to lead not to bow, apologize and kiss the hands of murderers and corrupt leaders who still treat their people like slaves.

And just who do you think you are telling the American people not to jump to conclusions and condemn that Muslim major who killed 13 of his fellow soldiers and wounded dozens more. You mean you don't want us to do what you did when that white cop used force to subdue that black college professor in Massachusetts, who was putting up a fight? You don't mind offending the police calling them stupid but you don't want us to offend Muslim fanatics by calling them what they are, terrorists.

One more thing. I realize you never served in the military and never had to defend your country with your life, but you're the Commander-in-Chief now, son. Do your job. When your battle-hardened field General asks you for 40,000 more troops to complete the mission, give them to him. But if you're not in this fight to win, then get out. The life of one American soldier is not worth the best political strategy you're thinking of.

You could be our greatest president because you face the greatest challenge ever presented to any president.

You're not going to restore American greatness by bringing back our bloated economy. That's not our greatest threat. Losing the heart and soul of who we are as Americans is our big fight now.

And I sure as hell don't want to think my president is the enemy in this final battle.

Sincerely,

Harold B. Estes

If I get back to Pearl Harbor any time soon I'll make sure to shake Harolds hand!

Apparently, people can't see anymore!

2011-06-13T13:35:00.002-04:00

Maybe this one is a bit more evident?

My artwork project for the morning!

2011-06-12T09:25:00.002-04:00

This is what happens when you quit smoking. You have to find things to do with your time.

But for some reason, people believe the new guy is better...

2011-06-10T13:41:00.001-04:00

George W. Bush speech after capture of Saddam Hussein:
The success of yesterday's mission is a tribute to our men and women now serving in Iraq .
The operation was based on the superb work of intelligence analysts who found the dictator's footprints in a vast country. The operation was carried out with skill and precision by a brave fighting force. Our servicemen and women and our coalition allies have faced many dangers in the hunt for members of the fallen regime, and in their effort to bring hope and freedom to the Iraqi people. Their work continues, and so do the risks. Today, on behalf of the nation, I thank the members of our Armed Forces and I congratulate 'them.

Barack Hussein Obama speech, Sunday, May 1, 2011:
And so shortly after taking office, I directed Leon Panetta, the director of the CIA, to make the killing or capture of bin Laden the top priority of our war against al Qaeda, even as Icontinued our broader efforts to disrupt, dismantle, and defeat his network.
Then, last August, after years of painstaking work by my intelligence community, I was briefed on a possible lead to bin Laden. It was far from certain, and it took many months to run this thread to ground. I met repeatedly with my national security team as we developed more information about the possibility that we had located bin Laden hiding within a compound deep inside of Pakistan. And finally, last week, I determined that I had enough intelligence to take action, and authorized an operation to get Osama bin Laden and bring him to justice.
Today, at my direction, the United States launched a targeted operation against that compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan.

I thought I was a self centered egotistial bastard!
I don't get it.

Guess this might be why mom always carried a tissue or two...

2011-06-08T10:53:00.001-04:00

GOTTA PEE
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.

Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.

She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.

The next day one of the woman's husband was concerned That his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said: "These girls nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!!"

"That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her butt that said.....

"From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.''

Got a good email today!

2011-05-16T10:27:00.001-04:00

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel , "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land."
Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land."
Today, the government has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of camels and mortgaged the Promised Land!
I was so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc . . . I called a Suicide Hotline. I had to press 1 for English. I was connected to a call center in Pakistan . I told them I was suicidal. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck......

It's a good day in America!

2011-05-02T07:43:00.000-04:00

I woke up to good news this morning. Granted, it came 10 years later than it should have, but it's good news just the same.

Osama bin Laden is dead! Let the world rejoice! Last night there was dancing in the streets of NYC and DC. Today, it's hard to walk around at Ground Zero because of all the people there and that's good too.

I think we should remember 9/11 every day. I seem to...I was almost there that day. I had considered taking a job for my then company, Genuity. Luckily, my wife said she didn't want my daughters to grow up to be big haired gum poppin' Jersey bitches. Hey, whaddaya expect from a New Yorker! So, instead, I ended up in AZ for a few years. The guy that took my job on the 110 floor of WTC 1 wasn't as fortunate.

It's not over folks. There are still idiots out there that want us dead and a few of them are probably feeling those feelings even more so today. Keep your eyes open all the time. Walk like an American, with your head held high and your eyes wide open.

I love my country and I thank the members of US Navy SEAL Team Six. You guys are the baddest! Drinks on me when you get back to VB!!!

GO NAVY!!!

Makes sense to me!!!

2011-04-25T10:33:00.000-04:00

Charley Reese's final column for the Orlando Sentinel...
He has been a journalist for 49 years. He is retiring and this is HIS LAST COLUMN.

Be sure to read the TAX LIST at the end.

This is about as clear and easy to understand as it can be. The article below is completely neutral, neither anti-republican or democrat. Charlie Reese, a retired reporter for the Orlando Sentinel, has hit the nail directly on the head, defining clearly who it is that in the final analysis must assume responsibility for the judgments made that impact each one of us every day. It's a short but good read. WORTH THE TIME. Worth remembering!

545 vs. 300,000,000 People by Charlie Reese

Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems and then campaign against them.

Have you ever wondered, if both the Democrats and the Republicans are against deficits, WHY do we have deficits?

Have you ever wondered, if all the politicians are against inflation and high taxes, WHY do we have inflation and high taxes?

You and I don't propose a federal budget. The President does.

You and I don't have the Constitutional authority to vote on appropriations. The House of Representatives does.

You and I don't write the tax code, Congress does.

You and I don't set fiscal policy, Congress does.

You and I don't control monetary policy, the Federal Reserve Bank does.

One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one President, and nine Supreme Court justices equates to 545 human beings out of the 300 million are directly, legally, morally, and individually responsible for the domestic problems that plague this country.

I excluded the members of the Federal Reserve Board because that problem was created by the Congress. In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty to provide a sound currency to a federally chartered, but private, central bank.

I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists for a sound reason. They have no legal authority. They have no ability to coerce a senator, a congressman, or a President to do one cotton-picking thing. I don't care if they offer a politician $1 million dollars in cash. The politician has the power to accept or reject it. No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is the legislator's responsibility to determine how he votes.

Those 545 human beings spend much of their energy convincing you that what they did is not their fault. They cooperate in this common con regardless of party.

What separates a politician from a normal human being is an excessive amount of gall. No normal human being would have the gall of a Speaker, who stood up and criticized the President for creating deficits. onlyThe President can propose a budget. He cannot force the Congress to accept it.

The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land, gives sole responsibility to the House of Representatives for originating and approving appropriations and taxes. Who is the speaker of the House? John Boehner. He is the leader of the majority party. He and fellow House members, not the President, can approve any budget they want. If the President vetoes it, they can pass it over his veto if they agree to.

It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300 million cannot replace 545 people who stand convicted -- by present facts -- of incompetence and irresponsibility. I can't think of a single domestic problem that is not traceable directly to those 545 people. When you fully grasp the plain truth that 545 people exercise the power of the federal government, then it must follow that what exists is what they want to exist.

If the tax code is unfair, it's because they want it unfair.

If the budget is in the red, it's because they want it in the red.

If the Army & Marines are in Iraq and Afghanistan it's because they want them in Iraq and Afghanistan ...

If they do not receive social security but are on an elite retirement plan not available to the people, it's because they want it that way.

There are no insoluble government problems.

Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to bureaucrats, whom they hire and whose jobs they can abolish; to lobbyists, whose gifts and advice they can reject; to regulators, to whom they give the power to regulate and from whom they can take this power. Above all, do not let them con you into the belief that there exists disembodied mystical forces like "the economy," "inflation," or "politics" that prevent them from doing what they take an oath to do.

Those 545 people, and they alone, are responsible.

They, and they alone, have the power.

They, and they alone, should be held accountable by the people who are their bosses.

Provided the voters have the gumption to manage their own employees...

We should vote all of them out of office and clean up their mess!

Charlie Reese is a former columnist of the Orlando Sentinel Newspaper.

What you do with this article now that you have read it... is up to you.
This might be funny if it weren't so true.
Be sure to read all the way to the end:

Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table,
At which he's fed.

Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.

Tax his work,
Tax his pay,
He works for
peanuts anyway!

Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.

Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.

Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries
Tax his tears.

Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his ass.

Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won't be done
Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers;
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He's good and sore.

Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he's laid...

Put these words
Upon his tomb,
'Taxes drove me
to my doom...'

When he's gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax.

Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax (currently 44.75 cents per gallon)
Gross Receipts Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Personal Property Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service Charge Tax
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
Sales Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Nonrecurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, & our nation was the most prosperous in the world.
We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What in the heck happened? Can you spell 'politicians?'

I hope this goes around THE USA at least 545 times!!! YOU can help it get there!!!

GO AHEAD. . . BE AN AMERICAN!!!

This one got me this morning....

2011-03-15T08:37:00.001-04:00

Mornings at the Pentagon

By JOSEPH L. GALLOWAY
McClatchy Newspapers

Over the last 12 months, 1,042 soldiers, Marines, sailors and Air Force personnel have given their lives in the terrible duty that is war. Thousands more have come home on stretchers, horribly wounded and facing months or years in military hospitals.

This week, I'm turning my space over to a good friend and former roommate, Army Lt. Col. Robert Bateman, who recently completed a year long tour of duty in Iraq and is now back at the Pentagon.

Here's Lt. Col. Bateman's account of a little-known ceremony that fills the halls of the Army corridor of the Pentagon with cheers, applause and many tears every Friday morning. It first appeared on May 17 on the Weblog of media critic and pundit Eric Alterman at the Media Matters for America Website.

"It is 110 yards from the "E" ring to the "A" ring of the Pentagon. This section of the Pentagon is newly renovated; the floors shine, the hallway is broad, and the lighting is bright. At this instant the entire length of the corridor is packed with officers, a few sergeants and some civilians, all crammed tightly three and four deep against the walls. There are thousands here.

This hallway, more than any other, is the `Army' hallway. The G3 offices line one side, G2 the other, G8 is around the corner. All Army. Moderate conversations flow in a low buzz. Friends who may not have seen each other for a few weeks, or a few years, spot each other, cross the way and renew.

Everyone shifts to ensure an open path remains down the center. The air conditioning system was not designed for this press of bodies in this area.

The temperature is rising already. Nobody cares. "10:36 hours: The clapping starts at the E-Ring. That is the outermost of the five rings of the Pentagon and it is closest to the entrance to the building. This clapping is low, sustained, hearty. It is applause with a deep emotion behind it as it moves forward in a wave down the length of the hallway.

"A steady rolling wave of sound it is, moving at the pace of the soldier in the wheelchair who marks the forward edge with his presence. He is the first. He is missing the greater part of one leg, and some of his wounds are still suppurating. By his age I expect that he is a private, or perhaps a private first class.

"Captains, majors, lieutenant colonels and colonels meet his gaze and nod as they applaud, soldier to soldier. Three years ago when I described one of these events, those lining the hallways were somewhat different. The applause a little wilder, perhaps in private guilt for not having shared in the burden ... Yet.

"Now almost everyone lining the hallway is, like the man in the wheelchair, also a combat veteran. This steadies the applause, but I think deepens the sentiment. We have all been there now. The soldier's chair is pushed by, I believe, a full colonel.

"Behind him, and stretching the length from Rings E to A, come more of his peers, each private, corporal, or sergeant assisted as need be by a field grade officer.

"11:00 hours: Twenty-four minutes of steady applause. My hands hurt, and I laugh to myself at how stupid that sounds in my own head. My hands hurt. Please! Shut up and clap. For twenty-four minutes, soldier after soldier has come down this hallway - 20, 25, 30.. Fifty-three legs come with them, and perhaps only 52 hands or arms, but down this hall came 30 solid hearts.

They pass down this corridor of officers and applause, and then meet for a private lunch, at which they are the guests of honor, hosted by the generals. Some are wheeled along. Some insist upon getting out of their chairs, to march as best they can with their chin held up, down this hallway, through this most unique audience. Some are catching handshakes and smiling like a politician at a Fourth of July parade. More than a couple of them seem amazed and are smiling shyly.

"There are families with them as well: the 18-year-old war-bride pushing her 19-year-old husband's wheelchair and not quite understanding why her husband is so affected by this, the boy she grew up with, now a man, who had never shed a tear is crying; the older immigrant Latino parents who have, perhaps more than their wounded mid-20s son, an appreciation for the emotion given on their son's behalf. No man in that hallway, walking or clapping, is ashamed by the silent tears on more than a few cheeks. An Airborne Ranger wipes his eyes only to better see. A couple of the officers in this crowd have themselves been a part of this parade in the past.

These are our men, broken in body they may be, but they are our brothers, and we welcome them home. This parade has gone on, every single Friday, all year long, for more than four years.

"Did you know that? Don't send it back to me, just send it on its way as you see fit.

Something to think about....

2011-02-11T15:36:00.001-05:00

A young Arab asks his father, "What is that weird hat you are wearing?"

The father said, "Why, it's a 'chechia', because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun."

"And what is this type of weird clothing that you are wearing?" Asked the young man.

"It's a 'djbellah', because in the desert it is very hot and it protects your body.." Said the father.

The son asked, "And what about these ugly shoes on your feet?

His father replied, "These are 'babouches', which keep us from burning our feet when in the desert."

"Tell me, Abba?" added the boy.

"Yes, my son?"

"Why are we living in Toms River, New Jersey and you're still wearing all this shit?"

Don't know why you voted Dem? Here's a couple of answers for you.

2011-02-09T07:26:00.000-05:00

To all,

When your friends can't explain why they voted for Democrats, give them this list. They can then pick a reason.

10. I voted Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn't.

9. I voted Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

8. I voted Democrat because Freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

7. I voted Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.

6. I voted Democrat because I believe that people who can't tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don't start driving a Prius.

5. I voted Democrat because I'm not concerned about the slaughter of millions of babies through abortion so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.

4. I voted Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits.

3. I voted Democrat because I believe that business should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrats see fit.

2. I voted Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

1. I voted Democrat because my head is so firmly planted up my ass that it is unlikely that I'll ever have another point of view.

I'll keep my Freedom, my God, my Guns and my Money... You keep the Hope and Change!

Get out and vote November 6th, 2012!

I thought it was funny!!!

2011-01-27T13:39:00.001-05:00

Five surgeons around a campfire

The First says: "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered. "

The Second responds: "Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside of them is color coded. "

The Third says: "No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside of them is in alphabetical order. "

The Fourth chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers.... those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over. "

but, the Fifth shut them all up when he said: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine…and the head and the ass are interchangeable”

I'd like you to meet Elvis!!!

2011-01-11T13:48:00.003-05:00

He's a mutt, like us! He's supposed to be beagle and dachschund mix, but he was more than twice the size of his 3 brothers and sisters and the only one with any white on him at all.

I think he's mostly beagle...he speaks beagle anyway! And if you've ever been around beagles you know what I mean when I say he speaks beagle!

He's a very cool little dog. I like him...alot!

World, meet Roxanne!

2010-11-08T15:39:00.001-05:00

Say hi to Roxy!

2010-11-03T08:52:00.002-04:00

I'd like to introduce you to Roxanne Nicole! She's my grand daughter. She came early this morning at 12:46. She's 8 lbs. 7 oz's and 20 3/4" tall. I haven't met her yet, but I'm heading that way shortly!

All I know is I love her already!!!

My updated, where's I've been map...

2010-11-01T13:23:00.001-04:00

visited 46 states (92%)
Create your own visited map of The United States

Identifying the sex of birds...

2010-10-18T09:19:00.002-04:00

They say it's supposed to be difficult...

Sometimes even requiring DNA testing...

But I bet, if you try really hard, you'll be able to identify the female bird in this picture...

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

Piece o' cake...right?!??!

2010-09-17T13:47:00.001-04:00

An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways.
She decided she would take her lunch; sit with the workers; and talk with them. She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating.
Sporting a big smile, she walked up to the group and asked: "And do you men know Jesus Christ?"
They shook their heads and looked at each other... very confused. One of the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled out, "Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"
One of the steelworkers yelled down, "Why?"

The worker yelled back, "'Cause his wife's here with his lunch."

We lost a friend yesterday...

2010-09-03T07:06:00.002-04:00

He was an extremely cute puppy. We bought him home 14 years ago this month. Right after I retired from the navy and bought our first home. He helped make it a real home.
He was a lot of fun. A lively puppy that chewed on things he shouldn't have and tore up things he shouldn't have, but he was too cute to get really mad at...

He occasionally played a mild mannered reporter for a great metropolitan newspaper who turned into SuperDog when we needed him most...

And he grew up to become such a handsome young man...

I miss him. Shaq was a good dog. He knew when I needed him to just lay there and let me pet him. He knew our moods. He knew how to make us smile.

He chewed up our dining room table once...he chewed up the banister in our first house...and then I started giving him ice as a snack and he stopped all that. His Pavlov's dog was the sound of the ice dispenser on the front of the fridge. Any time someone went to the fridge to get ice and he heard it he came running. Most people didn't understand what he wanted. When we got a new dog, she came running right along with him a few times. She was a little quicker about figuring out that it was only water and she had plenty in the water bowl. But Shaq came running every time, until a few months back...

I say I miss him, but I had been missing him for a while now. He really wasn't Shaq anymore. He couldn't hear much, which was good for him, because before that lightning scared the hell out of him. He couldn't see very well...and it seemed to take him forever to lay down and get back up...

I held his head yesterday at the vets office. We all went. Dee, Amber, Mug and me. We made it a family thing. The fight going on inside my head was an ugly one. Knowing that what we were doing was the right thing. That Shaq needed a rest, but also feeling a deep hurt because I was losing a friend. I held his head as the vet pumped the pink looking fluid into his front paw...

...and then I cried, like I am now thinking about it.

I miss you buddy. I really miss you.

Funnies from my Pop...

2010-08-30T09:49:00.000-04:00

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas

gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked me why, I replied,

"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....

________________________________

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in

bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered. I then said,

'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...

________________________________

I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started.....

________________________________

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she

kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby

table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"

"Yes", she sighed,

"He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we

split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that

long?"

And then the fight started...

________________________________

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me

that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to

take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more

important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily

snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for

a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute, and

when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish

cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

_______________________________

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...

________________________________

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and

slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and

proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50

mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the

weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly

undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now

with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband

is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

________________________________

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds"

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started......

________________________________

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social

Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my

age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come

back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she

processed my Social Security application..

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social

Security office...

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten

disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

________________________________

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.

I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started........

Some Friday funnies from my Pop!

2010-07-30T12:35:00.001-04:00

Lemon Squeeze
There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.'
The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'

The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.'

The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.'

The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?'

The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.'

Looks of Disappointment
A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side His eyes fluttered open and he said, 'You're beautiful.' Then he fell asleep again.

His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, 'You're cute..' The wife was disappointed because instead of 'beautiful,' it was now 'cute.'

She asked, 'What happened to beautiful?'

The man replied, 'The drugs are wearing off.'

Catholic Dog
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead... Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?'

Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church.... But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'

Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?'

Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?

Donation
Father O'Malley answers the phone.

'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'

'It is!'

'This is the IRS. Can you help us?'

'I can!'

'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'

'I do!'

'Is he a member of your congregation?'

'He is!'

'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'

'He will.'

Confession
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:

Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitch-hiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'

Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'

Man: 'What sins?'

Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'

Man: 'I'm Jewish.'

Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'

Man: 'I'm 92 years old ..... I'm telling everybody!'

Marriage Humour

Wife: 'What are you doing?'

Husband: Nothing.

Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'

Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'

-------------------------------

Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'

Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'

Wife: 'Yes or no.'

--------------------------------------------------------
Stress Reliever

Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'

Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'

Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'

-------------------------------

Son: 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'

Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'

Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'

________________________________

A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'

'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'

------------------------------------------------------------

A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humour!'

Better than an apple a day?!?

2010-07-26T14:30:00.000-04:00

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married.
She was admired for her sweetness and kindness.

One afternoon, the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room.
She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cute glass bowl sitting on top of it.
The bowl was filled with water, and in the water Floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this?' Pointing to the bowl.
'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet, and that it would
prevent the spread of disease.

Do you know I haven't had the flu All winter'

50 bucks is 50 bucks!

2010-07-23T08:58:00.001-04:00

Butch and his wife Muriel went to the state fair every year,

And every year Butch would say,

'Muriel, I'd like to ride in that helicopter'

Muriel always replied,

'I know Butch, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks,

And fifty bucks is fifty bucks'

One year Butch and Muriel went to the fair,

and Butch said,

'Muriel, I'm 75 years old.

If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance'

To this, Muriel replied,

"Butch that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks'

The pilot overheard the couple and said,

'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny!

But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'

Butch and Muriel agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.

He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,

But still not a word...

When they landed, the pilot turned to Butch and said,

'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't.

I'm impressed!'

Butch replied,

'Well, to tell you the truth,

I almost said something when Muriel fell out,

But you know,

Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!

In Congress, July 4, 1776: The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America

2010-07-04T08:42:00.002-04:00

When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:

For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.

— John Hancock

New Hampshire:
Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton

Massachusetts:
John Hancock, Samuel Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry

Rhode Island:
Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery

Connecticut:
Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott

New York:
William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris

New Jersey:
Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark

Pennsylvania:
Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross

Delaware:
Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean

Maryland:
Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton

Virginia:
George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton

North Carolina:
William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn

South Carolina:
Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton

Georgia:
Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton

Happy Independence Day people! Thank whoever, or whomever you thank for the men that made the choice to stand up to tyranny!

God has it out for me!!!

2010-06-25T12:33:00.002-04:00

I'm not exactly sure why. I think I know the reason. All those dumb things I did when I was younger. But I'm pretty convinced that if there is a god, he or she is upset with me.

I found out a couple of days ago that my Cutie Pie will be bringing another Cutie Pie into the world. We've known for a while that she's pregnant, but we just found out the other day what she's having.

Why? What have I done to deserve another woman in my life? Isn't my hair gray enough? Haven't I learned to say "Yes Dear" well enough? Haven't all the women in my life cost me enough already?

Apparently not! My cutie Pie is bringing another woman into this world to control me! And something tells me that she will most definately control me more than any other woman I've ever met has...

But as I've been saying, I don't have to be near as mature to be the Grandude as I was supposed to be as a parent.

So, little lady, when you get here just be ready to have a very good life. I'll make sure of it for you. One thing is for sure...you'll be loved like no other...

To the man or woman upstairs....thanks alot! Really!

And to all the little men out there...watch your step!

2010-06-06T09:43:00.001-04:00

A few years back I wrote a piece saying that I wouldn’t vote for Kerry because he wasn’t the kind of guy that I’d invite to my house for a beer. I thought he was too stuck up and too much of an elitist to be president of our country.
I got a lot of grief for this sentiment. Who cares if you want to have a drink with him people said to me. What a stupid way to look at it others told me. But I still think it’s a good criterion to look for in a president. I still want someone that can relate to me and people like me. What talking heads call the middle class. How is someone that’s never walked in my shoes supposed to understand my needs?
Well, now all those people that disagreed with me have what they want. A cerebral president. A president that thinks before he acts. The problem is, who knows what the hell he’s thinking?!? In his year and a half in office he’s done none of the things people want and a lot of things most of the people don’t want!
The first item on his agenda was health care. From just about every poll I’ve seen, a good majority of the people in our country didn’t want this, but he went ahead with it anyway. Granted, most of us said we wanted some reform, but what we didn’t want was for the government to take over the health care industry. Why is it that the government is now going to give to everyone something that cost me twenty years of my life? And when has anyone ever appreciated anything that they didn’t have to earn?
I can come up with a bunch of reasons why Medicare and Social Security aren’t such bad ideas. People pay into the SS fund and the Medicaid/Medicare fund their entire lives, kind of like a retirement plan. But the government has been spending that money on other things for ever. It’s not in AL Gore’s proverbial “lock box”, is it? Can you name one thing the government has ever taken over that ran better than it did before they got their hands on it? Look at the Post Office! You have companies like FedEx, UPS and DHL that have been doing the same thing for years and making money doing it, but the government loses money year after year.
I can’t blame it all on Obama. He’s had a lot of help from people like Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid. With all their backroom deals they make congress look like a bad episode of the Sopranos! Where’s the transparency this president promised? Did anyone see any open debating on any of the bills that congress has passed in the last year and a half? And now we find out that it may not be DC politics as usual for this president, it may actually be worse! It may be Chicago politics as usual! It appears that Obama and his team have been doing behind closed doors the same things that the governor of Illinois is on trial for!
And believe me, I understand that the president can’t put on a deep sea diving suit and fix the oil leak in the gulf any more than Bush could’ve put on a red and blue leotard with a big “S” on the chest and stopped Katrina. But he could at least show a little emotion! He’s like a robot! He acts exactly the way Maureen Dowd described him, like Mr. Spock from Star Trek! And that’s not how I want my president to act in a time of emergency. The way Obama acts is no better than the way Bush acted after Katrina. I think it’s actually worse! What BP is doing to the gulf coast is much worse than what nature did to the 9th ward! And Obama’s reaction has been terrible! Instead of heading to the gulf he headed to CA for a fund raiser for Barbara Boxer!
I realized how screwed up he was when he ran his mouth about the cop in Cambridge before he knew all the facts. Like most liberals, he spewed way before he knew what was going on, taking one side only because it was good for votes! And then he followed it up with a “beer summit”. What a joke! The SOB probably doesn’t even drink beer, at least not American beer!
And to me the topper happened last weekend. Memorial Day weekend. I tried to find out how many presidents have NOT laid the wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier on Memorial Day, but I couldn’t. I’d be happy to hear from anyone that might know. We’re at war people! We’ve lost a few thousand soldiers in two wars over the past 8 or 9 years and our president takes a vacation in Chicago because he’s only been home once since he got into office…poor baby!
But hey, what do you expect from a guy who suggested that soldiers, sailor, airmen and marines pick up the tab for their own medical expenses! Look it up on Snopes, as liberal as they are, and believe me, they are, they say it’s MOSTLY false. Their reasoning is that the email that circulated had quotes attributed to the president that he apparently didn’t say exactly as they’re quoted, but he DID say that he thought that military members should use their own private health insurance to help cover the costs of their military related injuries. And people wonder why he skipped the wreath laying at Arlington. I’ll tell you why. He despises the military as most liberals do. They love the freedom the military provides for them, but deep down they hate everything the military stands for and would much rather apologize for us than appreciate us.

I’m done for now…have a nice day!

As a retired enlisted guy, I can tell you this is true!

2010-05-03T07:28:00.001-04:00

Is Sex Work?

A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff..

While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.

He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.

He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?"

A Major chimed in with 75%-25% in favor of work.
A Captain said it was 50%-50%.

A lieutenant responded with 25%-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.
There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC who was in charge of making the coffee and asked for HIS opinion.

Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure."

The colonel was surprised and as you might guess, asked why?

"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."
The room fell silent.
God Bless the enlisted man..

Got this in an email from my Pop...

2010-04-25T09:57:00.003-04:00

And then I checked it on www.truthorfiction.com and found out it was true and I really got pissed off!

Following the devastating earthquake in Haiti , the United States rushed in to help - with money, medicine, and manpower. To date, we've already given over $179 million in humanitarian aid... but Barack Obama has just ordered all U.S. installations to take down their American flags, lest we be seen as an "occupying army" rather than "international partners."

It is patently appalling that a president of the United States would consider our flag to be a symbol of militaristic takeovers and colonialism, especially when serving (to a greater degree than any other nation on Earth) a humanitarian purpose.

Additionally, who would think we'd want to occupy Haiti ?!

No other country giving aid in Haiti has lowered its flag. But then again, no other country has a leader who is offended by their own flag.

All I have to say about this is if you feel the need to apologize for MY country than FUCK YOU!

Check out my 15 seconds of fame!

2010-04-19T10:14:00.002-04:00

Of course, this means I have 14 minutes and 45 seconds left!

BTW, the girl stuffing her face is my oldest!

Got this from Pocket Obama on Facbook...

2010-03-22T09:18:00.000-04:00

The Dinner Roll ...

Once upon a time I was invited to the White House for a private dinner with the President.

I am a respected businessman, with a factory that produces memory chips for computers and portable electronics.... See More

There was some talk that my industry was being scrutinized by the administration, but I paid it no mind. I live in a free country. There's nothing that the government can do to me if I've broken no laws. My wealth was earned honestly, and an invitation to dinner with an American President is an honor.

I checked my coat, was greeted by the Chief of Staff, and joined the President in a yellow dining room.

We sat across from each other at a table draped in white linen. The Great Seal was embossed on the china. Uniformed staff served our dinner.

The meal was served , and I was startled when my waiter suddenly reached out, plucked a dinner roll off my plate and began nibbling it as he walked back to the kitchen..

" Sorry ' bout that," said the President. "Andrew is very hungry."

"I don't appreciate...." I began, but as I looked into the calm brown eyes across from me, I felt immediately guilty and petty. It was just a dinner roll. "Of course," I concluded, and reached for my glass.

Before I could, however, another waiter reached forward, took the glass away and swallowed the wine in a single gulp. "And his brother, Eric, is very thirsty," said the President..

I didn't say anything. The President is testing my compassion, I thought. I withheld my comments and decided to play along. I don't want to seem unkind..

My plate was whisked away before I had tasted a bite.

"Eric's children are also quite hungry."

With a lurch, I crashed to the floor. My chair had been pulled out from under me.

I stood, brushing myself off angrily, and watched as it was carried from the room.

And their grandmother can't stand for long."

I excused myself, smiling outwardly, but inside feeling like a fool. Obviously I had been invited to the White House to be sport for some game. I reached for my coat, to find that it had been taken.

I turned back to the President.

"Their grandfather doesn't like the cold."

I wanted to shout, "that was my coat!" But again, I looked at the placid smiling face of my host and decided I was being a poor sport. I spread my hands helplessly and chuckled.

Then I felt my hip pocket and realized my wallet was gone. I excused myself and walked to a phone on an elegant side table.

I learned shortly that my credit cards had been maxed out, my bank accounts emptied, my retirement and equity portfolios had vanished, and my wife had been thrown out of our home.

Apparently, the waiters and their families were moving in. The President hadn't moved or spoken as I learned all this, but finally I lowered the phone into its cradle and turned to face him.

"Andrew's whole family has made bad financial decisions. They haven't planned for retirement and they need a house. They recently defaulted on a subprime mortgage. I told them they could have your home. They need it more than you do."

My hands were shaking. I felt faint. I stumbled back to the table and knelt on the floor.

The President cheerfully cut his meat, ate his steak, and drank his wine. I lowered my eyes and stared at the small grey circles on the tablecloth that were water drops.

"By the way," he added , "I have just signed an Executive Order nationalizing your factories.

I'm firing you as head of your business. I'll be operating the firm now for the benefit of all mankind.

There's a whole bunch of Erics and Andrews out there and they can't come to you for jobs groveling like beggars.."

I looked up. The President dropped his spoon into the empty ramekin which had been his crème Brule.

He drained the last drops of his wine. As the table was cleared, he lit a cigarette and leaned back in his chair.

He stared at me.. I clung to the edge of the table as if it were a ledge and I were a man hanging over an abyss.

I thought of the years behind me, of the life I had lived. The life I had earned with a lifetime of work, risk and struggle.

Why was I punished? How had I allowed it to be taken? What game had I played and lost? I looked across the table and noticed with some surprise that there was no game board between us.

What had I done wrong?

As if answering the unspoken thought, the President suddenly cocked his head, locked his empty eyes to mine, and bared a million teeth, chuckling wryly as he folded his hands.

"You should have stopped me at the dinner roll," he said.

WAKE UP AMERICA !!!

It's been a while...

2010-03-17T07:34:00.002-04:00

It's been almost a month since I put anything up here. My apologies. A lot has happened!

Let's see...the biggest news is, I'm gonna be a Grandude! My oldest told us last Saturday that she's gonna have a baby...the only thing I can say about that is that if she has a girl it means if there is a God, then he or she really really doesn't like me!

We got that news just a few days after we attended Dee's father's funeral out on Long Island. Sal was a good man. A WWII vet who landed at Anzio Beach and was awarded the Combat Infantryman's Badge and a Purple Heart! I liked Sal, he helped me win an argument with my wife one time. Is it sauce or gravy? Sal said, if it has meat in it, it's gravy! Well, he didn't actually help me win the argument, he just took my side. I think I still probably lost the argument, or at least didn't sway any opinions on the other side...

That's all I have for now...Happy St. Paddy's Day!

Never!

2010-02-24T10:27:00.001-05:00

HAVING MOM OVER FOR DINNER

Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's roommate, Jennifer, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of the platonic relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.'

About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?'

Brian said, 'Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure. So he sat down and wrote:

__________________________________________________________

Dear Mom,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, Brian
Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read:
____________________________________________________

Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love, Mom

LESSON OF THE DAY -
NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER

Why would you???

2010-02-19T10:55:00.000-05:00

Here's something to think about.

I recently picked a new primary care doctor.

After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned 55.)
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 90?'
He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?'
'Oh no,' I replied... 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?
'I said, 'Not much... My former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'
'No, I don't,' I said.
He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'
'No,' I said.

He looked at me and said,...
'Then, why do you even give a shit?'

2010-02-10T11:24:00.001-05:00

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Got this in an email and just had to share!!!

2010-02-03T14:36:00.000-05:00

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her
altitude and spotted a man in a boat below.

She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I
would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air
balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet
above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and
00 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

"She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."
"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically
correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm
still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be an Obama Democrat."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are
going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot
air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me
to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in
before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault.

Another email from my pop...just had to share!

2010-01-25T09:29:00.000-05:00

A Blonde's Year in Review

January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....
Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer!!!

March
Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....
Box said ' 2-4 years!'

April
Trapped on escalator for hours ...
Power went out!!!

May
Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....
8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June
Tried to go water skiing.......
Couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....
Learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....
Car swamped because soft-top was open.

September
The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it???

October
Hate M & M's.....
They are so hard to peel.

November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days ...
Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!

December

Couldn't call 911.
'Duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!

THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, 'Is something wrong?'

To which she replied, 'There certainly is!'

(Are you ready? This is a beauty....)

'My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL!

I cleaned it up a bit...

2010-01-06T10:41:00.002-05:00

I've cleaned the blog up a bit. Removed some links that didn't work and some others that never ended up impressing me even a little bit...

I'll never remove the link at the very top until the last islamic terrorist is gone from the planet...

The Germans are smarter than liberals...are you?

2010-01-04T09:46:00.000-05:00

German View of Islam
This is one of the best descriptions of dynamics of the terrorist situation I have read. The piece has implications far beyond radical Islamic Jihadi terrorism. His references to past history are meaningful. The piece is not long, easy to understand, and well worth the read. The author of this email is Dr. Emanuel Tanay, a psychiatrist.

A German's View of Islam
A man, whose family was German aristocracy prior to World War II, owned a number of large industries and estates. When asked how many German people were true Nazis, the answer he gave can guide our attitude toward fanaticism. 'Very few people were true Nazis,' he said, 'but many enjoyed the return of German pride, and many more were too busy to care. I was one of those who just thought the Nazis were a bunch of fools. So, the majority just sat back and let it all happen. Then, before we knew it, they owned us, and we had lost control, and the end of the world had come. My family lost everything. I ended up in a concentration camp and the Allies destroyed my factories.'
We are told again and again by 'experts' and 'talking heads' that Islam is the religion of peace and that the vast majority of Muslims just want to live in peace. Although this unqualified assertion may be true, it is entirely irrelevant. It is meaningless fluff, meant to make us feel better, and meant to somehow diminish the spectre of fanatics rampaging across the globe in the name of Islam.
The fact is that the fanatics rule Islam at this moment in history. It is the fanatics who march. It is the fanatics who wage any one of 50 shooting wars worldwide. It is the fanatics who systematically slaughter Christian or tribal groups throughout Africa and are gradually taking over the entire continent in an Islamic wave. It is the fanatics who bomb, behead, murder, or honour-kill. It is the fanatics who take over mosque after mosque. It is the fanatics who zealously spread the stoning and hanging of rape victims and homosexuals. It is the fanatics who teach their young to kill and to become suicide bombers.
The hard, quantifiable fact is that the peaceful majority, the 'silent majority,' is cowed and extraneous.
Communist Russia was comprised of Russians who just wanted to live in peace, yet the Russian Communists were responsible for the murder of about 20 million people. The peaceful majority were irrelevant. China 's huge population was peaceful as well, but Chinese Communists managed to kill a staggering 70 million people.
The average Japanese individual prior to World War II was not a warmongering sadist. Yet, Japan murdered and slaughtered its way across South East Asia in an orgy of killing that included the systematic murder of 12 million Chinese civilians; most killed by sword, shovel, and bayonet.
And who can forget Rwanda , which collapsed into butchery. Could it not be said that the majority of Rwandans were 'peace loving'?
History lessons are often incredibly simple and blunt, yet for all our powers of reason, we often miss the most basic and uncomplicated of points:
Peace-loving Muslims have been made irrelevant by their silence.
Peace-loving Muslims will become our enemy if they don't speak up, because like my friend from Germany , they will awaken one day and find that the fanatics own them, and the end of their world will have begun.
Peace-loving Germans, Japanese, Chinese, Russians, Rwandans, Serbs, Afghans, Iraqis, Palestinians, Somalis, Nigerians, Algerians, and many others have died because the peaceful majority did not speak up until it was too late. As for us who watch it all unfold, we must pay attention to the only group that counts--the fanatics who threaten our way of life.
Lastly, anyone who doubts that the issue is serious and just deletes this email without sending it on, is contributing to the passiveness that allows the problems to expand. So, extend yourself a bit and send this on and on and on! Let us hope that thousands, world-wide, read this and think about it, and send it on - before it's too late.

Tell me it's not true!!!

2010-01-03T10:59:00.001-05:00

Cats too!

My dogs sleep about 20 hours a day. They have their food prepared forthem. They can eat whenever they wants, 24/7/365.
Their meals are provided at no cost to them.
They visits the Dr. once a year for their checkups, and again during the year if any medical needs arise.. For this they pay nothing, and nothing is required of them.
They live in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than they need, but they are not required to do any upkeep.
If they make a mess, someone else cleans it up.
They have their choice of luxurious places to sleep.
They receive these accommodations absolutely free.
They are living like a roylaty, and have absolutely no expenses whatsoever.
All of their costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.

I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head -- Holy crap, my dogs are democrats!

Thanks Tom! Just a few changes to make it fit my house...

Happy New Year

2009-12-31T10:02:00.001-05:00

2009-12-17T11:54:00.002-05:00

Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 1, 2008

RE: Gala Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!

Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family,

Patty

Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 2, 2008

RE: Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Patty

Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees

DATE: October 3, 2008

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

To: All Employees

DATE: October 4, 2008

RE: Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs.. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.

Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table.

Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.

To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.

We will have booster seats for short people.

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.

There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty

Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All F*%^ing Employees

DATE: October 5, 2008

RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party

I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!

The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die,

The B*tch from H*ll!!!

Company Memo

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

DATE: October 6, 2008

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

Joan

Merry Christmas everybody!!!!

I guess this was always a good thing...

2009-11-27T13:39:00.001-05:00

I lost my desktop the other day...lost every picture I ever took with my digital SLR. But for a few years now, I've been uploading pictures to this blog..so, at least I still have them on here!

Look what I found!

2009-10-03T12:32:00.002-04:00

I was cleaning off the memory card of my digital SLR and look what I found!!!

Hatteras Light house...The coolest paint job for a lighthouse...

Bodie Island Light house. Very close to Nags Head, NC. You can't climb to the top...

...but they will let you inside to look up!

There's a double rainbow in this picture...Honest!

Yeah, there's more...later, if you behave!

READ THIS!

2009-09-29T15:32:00.000-04:00

"Political Correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and rabidly promoted by the unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."

I don't know who said it....but it's definitely worth repeating!

This one is too funny not to put up!!!

2009-09-27T08:09:00.001-04:00

Got this in an email from an old friend of mine...

A man driving around the backwoods of Montana sees a sign in front of a broken down house: 'Talking Dog For Sale .' He rings the bell, and the owner appears and tells him that the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he asks 'So, what's your story?'

The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help my country, so I contacted the CIA. In no time at all, they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'

'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger. So I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible drug deals and was awarded a batch of medals.'

'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog..

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit'

Yeah, I'm from Jersey...so what of it???

2009-09-25T09:03:00.000-04:00

New Discovery

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York archaeologists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story in the LA Times read: "California archaeologists, finding traces of 200 year old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers."

One week later, The Jersey Journal, a local newspaper in New Jersey, reported the following:
After digging as deep as 30 feet in his back yard , Vinny 'Bada Bing' Manziano, a self taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Vinny has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, New Jersey had already gone wireless."

Just makes me proud to be from New Jersey

Both my football teams won yesterday!!!

2009-09-21T09:47:00.002-04:00

What's that you say? Of course I root for two football teams every Sunday. I root for the New York Football Giants and who ever is playing the cowgirls.

I'd like to say thank you to Jerry Jones for personally choosing the Giants as the first guests to his Billion dollar party. I'd say they had a marvelous time!

I see the carnage on the freeway already...all those people falling off the cowgirl band wagon...that band wagon ride can be pretty bumpy. Like sitting in the back of the school bus when it goes over the railroad tracks! People are gonna be falling off it all over the place!

Have a nice day!!!!! I will!

I wonder if people are forgetting...

2009-09-11T07:13:00.002-04:00

It's hard to forget what happened on this day eight years ago, but sometimes, when you listen to some politicians and the way they talk about the middle east, you'd think those islamists loved us!

Yeah, the last guy really screwed the pooch as they say. He had the entire world on his side and he attacked that little bonehead dictator from a country that really had nothing to do with that specific attack. If he'd done it right there's no telling where we'd be today.

But I also hear and see a lot of comments that give me the idea that somehow, because we're, that's Americans, a little to arrogant, that what happened on September 11, 2001 was in fact, our own fault. And sorry for the language, but that's straight up bullshit.

Our new pres has it a little better. Afghanistan is a little closer to the real problem, but really, when you look at it, it was Saudi Arabia that attacked us that day. Nobody ever really talks about that, but those 21 guys on those four planes were all from Saudi Arabia. They were all wahhabi islamists. But I never heard to many nasty words against one of the worlds largest oil producers. Not from a politician or a talking head on TV.

There are a lot of brands of islam, just like there are a lots of brands of other religions. Apparently, whahhabi is the brand that requires you to be rat living in an outhouse fucking crazy and strap bombs to your ass for the betterment of your fellow shit house rat crazy cultists. Can't be for your own good, you won't be around to enjoy the "fruits" of your labors. Well, that's not entirely true, 'cause you'll be "around" alright. Around the entire neighborhood. You know, head here, arm there...

I don't know what the answer is for dealing with this middle ages brand of religion. That's what islam is, nothing but the MOST backward religion on the planet. They're all backwards, but at lest some of them teach peace and love, not hate and destruction. Yeah, yeah, I know the crusades and all that....check your history, the crusades were a response. They didn't start unprovoked, they just got carried away in the end. Still destruction though...anyway you look at it. I spent about 18 years going to church, look what it did to me!

Anyway! Maybe Derek Jeter can help us, Tri-staters that are Yankee fans too, that is, forget, or at least ease some of the painful memories to this date, 9-11. Tonight, weather permitting, Jeter will play against the Baltimore Orioles. The night before last, Jeter tied the great Lou Gehrig's record for most hits ever by a Yankee. Tonight, September 11, 2009, Jeter could break Gehrigs' record.

Then, when people ask, what happened on 9-11, I can say...You really have to ask? And mean it both for the Twin Towers and Jeters' newest Yankee record! But if you ever ask me personally what heppened on 9-11, I may just pop you in the nose for being an IDIOT!

Never forget people! NEVER!

Check this out!

2009-09-09T08:31:00.002-04:00

I found this web site from a friend on Facebook. It's pretty cool. It tells you when the international space station and the shuttle will be over head in the night sky.

I've laid on lounge chairs in the backyard with my girls before and seen satellites in the sky. Mostly out in AZ, they have some of the best star gazing skies in the west valley of Phoenix. At least they used to before they built all those houses out there!

Anyway, you can check it out here. It's a nasa sight, so it's nice and "G" rated...

From my Mom this time...

2009-09-04T09:49:00.003-04:00

I occasionally get emails from my mom. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought she actually made this list up! I'm pretty sure I've heard jsut about every one of these at one time or another in my life...

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. *My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE *. 'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.'

2. *My mother taught me RELIGION *. 'You better pray that will come out of the
carpet.'

3. *My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL *. 'If you don't straighten up, I'm
going to knock you into the middle of next week!'

4. *My mother taught me LOGIC *. ' Because I said so, that's why.'

5. *My mother taught me MORE LOGIC *. 'If you fall out of that swing and break
your neck, you're not going to the store with me.'

6. *My mother taught me FORESIGHT *. 'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in
case you're in an accident.'

7.. *My mother taught me IRONY * 'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to
cry about.'

8. *My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS *. 'Shut your mouth
and eat your supper.'

9. *My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM *. 'Will you look at that dirt on
the back of your neck!'

10. *My mother taught me about STAMINA *. 'You'll sit there until all that
spinach is gone.'

11. *My mother taught me about WEATHER *. 'This room of yours looks as if a tornado
went through it.'

12. *My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY *. 'If I told you once, I've told you
a million times. Don't exaggerate!'

13. *My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE *. 'I brought you into this
world, and I can take you out.'

14. *My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION *. 'Stop acting like your father!'

15. *My mother taught me about ENVY *. 'There are millions of less fortunate
children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.'

16. *My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION *. 'Just wait until we get home.'

17. *My mother taught me about RECEIVING *. 'You are going to get it when you
get home!'

18. *My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE *. 'If you don't stop crossing your
eyes, they are going to freeze that way.'

19. *My mother taught me ESP *. 'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know
when you are cold?'

20. *My mother taught me HUMOR *. 'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
don't come running to me.'

21. *My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT *. 'If you don't eat your
vegetables, you'll never grow up.'

22. *My mother taught me GENETICS. * 'You're just like your father.'

23. *My mother taught me about my ROOTS *. 'Shut that door behind you. Do you
think you were born in a barn?'

24. *My mother taught me WISDOM *. 'When you get to be my age, you'll
understand.'

25. And my favorite: *My mother taught me about JUSTICE * 'One day you'll have
kids, and I hope they turn out just like you

There were a few more, but I'll cut mom a little slack and leave those off...

My family is on their way down here for the weekend. Looking forward to a great weekend!

You really should listen to this guy...

2009-08-27T10:54:00.001-04:00

I'm very serious! Listen to this guy!

As I get a little older...

2009-08-26T10:32:00.000-04:00

I saw this and it seemed appropriate...

Ronnie was my hero!

Read it carefully....

2009-08-17T18:53:00.002-04:00

I checked this on Snopes.com and it said undetermined! Just click the link, you can check it too. They've been researching it since February!

HSBC Card Services are the rudest folks EVER!

2009-08-17T09:27:00.002-04:00

I have an HSBC card, but that's not the problem. So does one of my daughters.

My daughter was out of town all weekend and apparently, she is a little late on her card payment.

The phone calls started at 8:30 yesterday morning. And they kept coming all day long, about once an hour. I told them after the first one that she wasn't gonna be home all day, but they kept calling. It was Sunday and the PGA Championship was on TV!

I asked to speak to a supervisor after about the fifth call and they hung up on me. I then informed them that they'd NEVER speak to my daughter on MY house phone until I did speak to a supervisor. They kept calling until around 8:30 last night and then they started up again at 8:15 this morning. When the girl called this morning I told her I wanted to speak to a supervisor and she said, I'll just call back later! I said, you're not picking up on this are you? You will never speak to her on this line until I speak to your supervisor! She hung up.

I googled HSBC this morning and found an 800 customer service number and called it and THEY hung up on me!

So now, I won't allow my daughter to speak to them on my phone. I answer every time they call. I use some of the most choice words I know when I speak to them. I figure they'll either start using the cell number that my wife and I both gave them, or they just like being spoken to like a broke down Tijuana whore!

I'm waiting for the next one. I've been making up new cuss words for them! Some days are just more fun than others!

Makes Me Think - MMT #178

2009-08-13T14:57:00.002-04:00

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Posted using ShareThis

Some bad news last night...

2009-08-04T12:58:00.003-04:00

I still feel like I could call my friend right now to head out and play a round. He was almost always up for it. He put a thought in my head on the golf course that I still use. An idea of what club to hit off the tee on par fours, based on the distance. Under 350, leave the driver in the bag and it's worked for me for a while now. Most of the time anyway.

Rick was pretty mellow. I think the only thing I ever saw him get really mad at was his golf swing. I'll miss him on the course. We had a lot of good times playing golf together. We cheered each others good shots and laughed at each others bad ones.

Rick Mort was just an all around good guy and I will miss him.

Fair winds and following seas my friend...

It really is amazing!

2009-07-30T14:13:00.002-04:00

I try to watch the other channels like MSNBC to find out what the really crazy people are thinking, but it just gets to me so easily.

Last night I was watching Chris Matthews drool on himself and he had some woman from Salon.com on his show who told the people watching this show that the reason Obamas' health care deal isn't working is because America is full of racists! She actually said that this health care bill was failing because people don't like the black president!

It has nothing to do with the fact that MOST people in this country already have health care and no one is really interested in supplying it to the illegal aliens, or is that undocumented workers, I get so confused sometimes.

I think the people on MSNBC are one of the reasons that the Fox News Channel has such high ratings. They spend half their time reporting on the stupid stuff being spewed by guys like Glen Beck. They had their panties all up in a wad yesterday because the day before Beck had said that he thought the president was a racist.

I don't know if you can call the guy a racist. I'm sure if I jumped up and said the cop was right and the black professor was wrong somebody would have called me a racist. They called the poor woman that made the 911 call a racist, of course that was before they heard the tape of the call. You know the one, the call where the person reporting a suspected crime said she wasn't sure what color the two guys were that she saw forcing their way into a house.

But somehow, before all the facts were in our new president can report to the American public that the Cambridge police acted stupidly. Not the professor, he's a friend of the presidents, no way one of his socialist friends could or would ever act stupidly.

Let's look at just a few things...

First, we have the Rev Wright. A person that most people believe is a racist. You can hear it in his own words...

The we have the Latina woman that says she's sure she would make better decisions based on her upbringing than a white man...

And now we have the presidents buddy, a liberal professor, who for some reason, a cop, and not just any cop, but the cop in the Cambridge PD that's in charge of a department designed specifically to combat racial profiling and whose friends say doesn't have a racist bone in his body, decided that he needed to arrest a man in his own home because he was being "uncooperative". But he "acted stupidly"? I wonder who really acted stupidly...

I think the thing that's really bothering me is that EVERYTHING that doesn't work for Obama for whatever reason is blamed on racism by a select few and for some reason that select few gets a voice on MSNBC. Glen Beck is a racist because he called the president a racist?!??! How the hell does that work?

I saw a picture the other day of Obamas head pasted on what looked like a witch doctors body. Of course, this is construed as racism. Back in the day they called Uncle Ronnie's fiscal policies Voodoo Economics. Remember? I guess if they called Obamas health care plan, Voodoo health care that'd be racist too?

Get this people! Just because some people don't like the way that the black guy YOU voted for is running the country and they happen to be white doesn't mean they're racists. Got it? And just because I called him a black guy doesn't mean I'm one either!

This is another one from my Pop!

2009-07-21T08:58:00.003-04:00

I couldn't find this on Snopes or Truth or fiction, but I liked it, so you get it too!

Note for Senator Boxer.

Don't know if y'all saw the article last week about Barbara Boxer
admonishing a Brigadier General because he addressed her as Ma'am and not Senator before a Senate hearing. Anyway this is a letter from a Guard Aviator and Captain for Alaska Air Lines. He hits the nail directly onthe head. Maybe we all should send a copy of this letter to the SENATOR

Babs: {Boxer's Nickname}

You were so right on when you scolded the general on TV for using the
term, "ma'am," instead of "Senator." After all, in the military, "ma'am"
is a term of respect when addressing a female of superior rank or
position.

The general was totally wrong. You are not a person of superior rank or
position. You are a member of one of the world's most corrupt
organizations, the U. S. Senate, equaled only by the U. S. House of
Representatives.

Congress is a cesspool of liars, thieves, inside traders, traitors,
drunks (one who killed a staffer, yet is still revered), criminals, and
other low level swine who, as individuals (not all, but many), will do
anything to enhance their lives, fortunes and power, all at the expense
of the People of the United States and its Constitution, in order to be
continually re-elected. Many democrats even want American troops killed
by releasing photographs. How many of you could honestly say, "We pledge
our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor"? None? One? Two? Your
reaction to the general shows several things. First is your abysmal
ignorance of all things military. Your treatment of the general shows you
to be an elitist of the worst kind. When the general entered the military
(as most of us who served) he wrote the government a blank check,
offering his life to protect your derriere now safely and comfortably
ensconced in a 20 thousand dollar leather chair, paid for by the
general's taxes. You repaid him for this by humiliating him in front of
millions.

Second is your puerile character, lack of sophistication, and arrogance
which borders on the hubristic. This display of brattish behavior shows
you to be a virago, termagant, harridan, nag, scold or shrew, unfit for
your position, regardless of the support of the unwashed, uneducated
masses who have made California into the laughing stock of the nation.

What I am writing, Senator, are the same thoughts countless millions of
Americans have toward Congress, but who lack the energy, ability or time
to convey them. Under the democrats, some don't even have the 44 cents to
buy the stamp. Regardless of their thoughts, most realize politicians are
pretty much the same, and will vote for the one who will bring home the
most bacon, even if they do consider how corrupt that person is.

Lord Acton (1834 - 1902) so aptly charged, "Power tends to corrupt and
absolute power corrupts absolutely." Unbeknownst to you and your
colleagues, Mr. Power has had his way with all of you, and we are all the
worse for it.

Finally Senator, I, too, have a title. It is "Right Wing Extremist
Potential Terrorist Threat." It is not of my choosing, but was given to
me by your Secretary of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano. And you were
offended by "ma'am"?

Have a day. Cheers!

Jim Hill
16808 - 103rd Avenue Court East
South Hill , WA 98375

CHEERS INDEED!! BOBZ

Got this from my father in an email...

2009-07-16T15:08:00.002-04:00

This is pretty incredible. This is what we get when ONE person in Washington does his job and actually reads a bill before he decides whether or not to sign it!

REGARDLESS OF YOUR POLITICAL TIES, YOU SHOULD READ THIS (especially the last four sentences)!

Senator Tom Coburn is an MD (general practitioner) and GOP Senator from Oklahoma and recognized as 'the conscience' of the US Senate. He is well respected on both 'sides of the aisle' and probably one of the few senators to actually read these 'bail-out' bills. (Google him for his background).

This takes a couple of minutes. It's from his speech in the Senate and if this doesn't raise your blood pressure, you'd better check to see if your heart's beating!

"We are going in exactly the wrong direction. We ought to be standing on the principles that made this country great. There ought to be a review of every program in the Federal Government that is not effective, that is not efficient, that is wasteful or fraudulent, and we ought to get rid of it right now. We ought to say, you're gone, to be able to pay for a real stimulus plan that might, in fact, have some impact.

I would be remiss if I didn't remind everybody that next week we are going to hear from the Obama administration wanting another $500 billion. Outside of this, they are going to want another $500 billion to handle the banking system. Still not fixing the real disease-the pneumonia-we are going to treat the fever or treat the cough, but we are not going to treat the real disease.

Until we treat the real disease, this is pure waste. It is worse than pure waste. It is morally reprehensible, because it steals the future of the next two generations. I am going to wind up here and finish, but I wanted to spend some time to make sure the American people know what is in this bill. I think once they know what is in this bill, they would reject it out of hand.

Let me read for my colleagues some of the things that are in this bill. The biggest earmark in history is in this bill. There is $2 billion in this bill to build a coal plant with zero emissions. That would be great, maybe, if we had the technology, but the greatest brains in the world sitting at MIT say we don't have the technology yet to do that. Why would we build a $2 billion power plant we don't have the technology for that we know will come back and ask for another $2 billion and another $2 billion and another $2 billion when we could build a demonstration project that might cost $150 million or $200 million?

There is nothing wrong with having coal-fired plants that don't produce pollution; I am not against that. Even the Washington Post said the technology isn't there. It is a boondoggle. Why would we do that?

We eliminated tonight a $246 million payback for the large movie studios in Hollywood .

We are going to spend 88 Million to study whether we ought to buy a new ice breaker for the Coast Guard. You know what, the Coast Guard needs a new ice breaker. Why do we need to spend $88 million? They have two ice breakers now that they could retrofit and fix and come up with equivalent to what they needed to and not spend the $1 billion they are going to come back and ask for, for another ice breaker, so why would we spend $88 million doing that?

We are going to spend $448 million to build the Department of Homeland Security a new building. We have $1.3 trillion worth of empty buildings right now, and because it has been blocked in Congress we can't sell them, we can't raze them, we can't do anything, but we are going to spend money on a new building here in Washington .

We are going to spend another $248 million for new furniture for that building; a quarter of a billion dollars for new furniture. What about the furniture the Department of Homeland Security has now? These are tough times. Should we be buying new furniture? How about using what we have? That is what a family would do. They would use what they have. They wouldn't go out and spend $248 million on furniture.

How about buying $600 million worth of hybrid vehicles? Do you know what I would say? Right now times are tough; I would rather Americans have new cars than Federal employees have new cars. What is wrong with the cars we have? Dumping $600 million worth of used vehicles on the used vehicle market right now is one of the worst things we could do. Instead, we are going to spend $600 million buying new cars for Federal employees.

There is $400 million in here to prevent STD’s .I have a lot of experience on that. I have delivered 4,000 babies. We don't need to spend $400 million on STDs. What we need to do is properly educate about the infection rates and the effectiveness of methods of prevention. That doesn't take a penny more. You can write that on one piece of paper and teach every kid in this country, but we don't need to spend $400 million on it. It is not a priority.

How about $1.4 billion for rural waste disposal programs? That might even be somewhat stimulative. New sewers; that might create jobs.

How about $150 million for a Smithsonian museum? Tell me how that helps get us out of a recession. Tell me how that is a priority. Would the average American think that is a priority that we ought to be mortgaging our kids' future to spend another $150 million at the Smithsonian?

How about $1 billion for the 2010 census? So everybody knows, the census is so poorly managed that the census this year is going to cost twice-in 2010 what it cost 10 years ago, and we wasted $800 million on a contract because it was no-bid that didn't perform. Nobody got fired, no competitive bidding, and we blew $800 million.

We have $75 million for smoking cessation activities, which probably is a great idea, but we just passed a bill-the SCHIP bill-that we need to get 21 million more Americans smoking to be able to pay for that bill. That doesn't make sense.

How about $200 million for public computer centers at community colleges? Since when is a community college in my State a recipient of Federal largess? Is that our responsibility? I mean, did we talk with Dell and Hewlett-Packard and say, how do we make you all do better? Is there not a market force that could make that better?

Will we actually buy on a true competitive bid? No, because there is nothing that requires competitive bidding in anything in this bill. There is nothing that requires it. It is one of the things President Obama said he was going to mandate the Federal Government, but there is no competitive bidding in this bill at all.

We have $10 million to inspect canals in urban areas. Well, that will put 10 or 15 people to work. Is that a priority for us right now?

There is $6 billion to turn Federal buildings into green buildings. That is a priority, versus somebody getting a job outside of Washington, a job that actually produces something, that actually increases wealth?

How about $500 million for State and local fire stations? Where do you find in the Constitution us paying for local fire stations within our realm of prerogatives? None of it is competitively bid - not a grant program.

Next is $1.2 billion for youth activities. Who does that employ? What does that mean?

How about $88 million for renovating the public health service building? You know, if we could sell half of the $1.3 trillion worth of properties we have, we could take care of every Federal building requirement and backlog we have.

Then there's $412 million for CDC buildings and property. We spent billions on a new center and headquarters for CDC. Is that a priority? Building another Government building instead of - if we are going to spend $412 million on building buildings, let's build one that will produce something, one that will give us something.

How about $850 million for that “efficient'' Amtrak which hasn't made any money since 1976 and continues to get $2 billion to $3 billion a year in subsidies from the Federal Government?

Here is one of my favorites: $75 million to construct a new "security training'' facility for State Department security officers, and we have four other facilities already available to train them!!! But it is not theirs and they want theirs!!!

By the way, it is going to be in West Virginia. I wonder how that got there? So we are going to build a new training facility that duplicates four others that we already have that could easily do what we need to do today. But because we have a stimulus package, we are going to add in “oink” pork.

How about $200 million in funding for a lease-not buying, but a lease of alternative energy vehicles on military installations?

We are going to bail out the States on Medicaid. Total all of the health programs in this, and we are going to transfer $150 billion out of the private sector and we are going to move it to the Federal Government!!!

You talk about “back-dooring” national health care. Henry Waxman has to be smiling big today. He wants a single-payer Government-run health care system. We are going to move another $150 billion to the Federal Government from the private sector.

We are going to eliminate fees on loans from the Small Business Administration. You know what that does? That pushes productive capital to unproductive projects. It is exactly the wrong thing to do.

Then there is $160 million to the Job Corps Program-but not for 20 jobs and not to put more people in the Job Corps but to construct or repair buildings.

We are going to spend $524 million for information technology upgrades that the Appropriations Committee claims will create 388 jobs. If you do the math on that, that is $1.5 million a job!!!

Don't you love the efficiency of Washington thinking?

We are going to create $79 billion in additional money for the States, a "slush fund,'' to bail out States and provide millions of dollars for education costs.

How many of you think that will ever go away? Once the State education programs get $79 billion over 2 years, do you think that will ever go away?

The cry and hue of taking our money away - even though it was a stimulus and supposed to be limited, it will never go away. So we will continue putting that forward until our kids have grand kids of their own.

There is about $47 billion for a variety of energy programs that are primarily focused on renewable energy. I am fine with spending that. But we ought to get something for it. There ought to be metrics. There are no metrics.

It is pie in the sky, saying we will throw some money at it.

Let me conclude by saying we are at a seminal moment in our country. We will either start living within the confines of realism and responsibility or we will blow it and we will create the downfall of the greatest Nation that ever lived.

This bill is the start of that downfall. To abandon a market-oriented society and transfer it to a Soviet-style, government-centered, bureaucrats-run and mandated program, that is the thing that will put the stake in the heart of freedom in this country.

I hope the American people know what is in this bill. I am doing everything I can to make sure they know. But more important, I hope somebody is listening who will treat the pneumonia we are faced with today, which is the housing and mortgage markets.

It doesn't matter how much money we spend in this bill. It is doomed to failure unless we fix that problem first. Failing that, we will go down in history as the Congress that undermined the future and vitality of this country. Let it not be so."

That's that!

And trust me when I tell you that it won't get any better when people like the idiots in Minnesota keep electing morons to the senate! I keep hearing people calling Al Franken a former comedian...did you ever watch him? I think it might be better if they called him a former failed comedian...just like he's gonna be a former failed senator! I bet he sat at home last week and said to his mirror..."gosh darnit, people like me!" I don't AL!

I was phoned into submission today...

2009-07-15T15:54:00.003-04:00

Since I started the business I've been getting a lot of funky phone calls, but one number today really drove me up a wall!

It started about 945 AM and it continued every fifteen minutes for the next two hours until I finally answered it. Yeah, I know that I should answer my phone because it might be a new client or something like that, but I get so tired of solicitors trying to make me feel bad for all the kids with lukemia or altzheimers...okay, maybe kids don't get that, but you get my drift.

Before I answered my phone in the rudest of ways I looked up the number, 973-813-7732. All I could find was people bitching about it. So finally, at 11:09 this morning I answered it after no fewer than 6 calls. I told who ever the poor bastard was on the other end that I didn't care what he was selling there was no way after half a dozen phone calls that I was gonna want it anyway and I told him or her that they should take my number off their list. At 11:34 they called back!

Anyway, that's my rant for a while...

Farrah helped me win a couple of chess games back in the day...

2009-06-26T08:04:00.002-04:00

When I was a teenager and I learned how to play chess, well, let's say I learned how the chess pieces moved around the board, I used to test my skills on my father. Most of the time my pop whipped my butt, but occasionally, I could get the best of him.

There seemed to be two ladies that could show up on the boob tube that would so distract my father that I could really kick his ass on a chess board. Those two ladies were Cher and Farrah.

I bought that poster for my father, that one they've been showing on TV since yesterday. Farrah in a bronze colored bathing suit with that big smile and all that hair! He kept it hanging on the wall in my parents walk in closet for ever! My moms' always been a looker, so she wasn't worried by it. I called him yesterday, just to send him my condolences.

I wonder how much more we'd be hearing about her today if Michael Jackson hadn't died yesterday too. So what if she was a crumby actress in the beginning, it was fun to watch those three beauties save some friend of Charlies every week. She actually did grow into a damned fine actress. I remember her in a movie called the Burning Bed. She did a fine job there.

It's a shame when people die to early...kinda makes you think about your own mortality though...Farrah was only 62 and still, up until recently, looking pretty good. Michael was only a year older than me!

Anyway...I have work to do!

Have a nice day!

I was thinking about this on Sunday...

2009-06-25T11:23:00.002-04:00

I was thinking of some of the things I've learned over the years from being a father.

Some of the things are pretty standard. I've learned a little patience...girls are good for trying your patience. And what the hell does that mean anyway..trying your patience? Yeah, I tried your patience and I didn't like it, give me some potatos instead! I tried his patience and all it got me was a punch in the head! Go ahead, try my patience and see where it gets you...you won't like it!

I've learned a lot of new words and even made a few new ones of my own. The first new one I made wasn't really a new word as much as a new contraction. The word is g'way. It's pronounced just like it sounds, gway. I think I made this contraction up because I was constantly saying go away! and I'm just a little lazy like that.

I've also learned that there are an infinite number of ways to say, go ask your mother. You can even pose it in the form of a question! Like, what did your mother say? Or, did you ask your mother?

Yeah, it's pretty much a cop out kind of answer, but fathers learn this only one way. It comes from having your kids ask for things and you saying yes, or no, it doesn't really matter how you answered, just that you answered the wrong way, the wrong way as in, not the way mom would have answered it. It's the safe answer. Sure, you'll get grief like, can't you ever make a decision? Why do they always come to me? But it's better than the grief you'll get when mom finds out that you let them do that! Whatever that may be!

I've also learned not to ask what the ladies are talking about when they seem to be trying to keep things from me. I asked my oldest daughter what all the hush hush was about once and she screamed at me...I'm bleeding from my vagina!!! Talk about being sorry you ever asked a question!!! Now I know why my mother said she was glad she never had to raise girls.

So, there's my Fathers Day lesson for any new fathers out there that don't know yet how stupid they really are when it comes to making choices for their kids...

Have a nice day!

Neglect is a terrible thing...

2009-06-16T15:34:00.002-04:00

I know, I've been ignoring this thing for far too long. I probably lost any readers I may have had. Was it ever entertaining at all?

I've been pretty busy. The business grows more and more every day. I won't say that's the reason I've been ignoring the blog. I just haven't really been in the mood. I haven't felt the need to write about anything that's really been bothering me lately. Maybe because things haven't been bothering me to much lately. I guess that's a good thing.

Yeah, I could light up these pages with issues I have with this current administration. About all the things he said he was gonna do while he was running for office and all the things he's doing differently now that he's got the job.

I could piss and moan about how people want free health care and I had to do twenty FUCKING years in the military to get mine.

This is the bad thing...All these people that want everything for nothing now have the guy they think will give it to them in the white house and guess what...they ain't getting a damn thing more than they got when the guy they hated ran the place.

I think the old saying fits, the more things change, the more they stay the same. I had a buddy say something I found pretty funny the other day. I asked him to do something for me and he said..."Man, I ain't your president!" Kinda like..."who was your president last week?! I guess it goes along with that other saying I heard the other day...president is the new black..whatever!

I don't like him. I think he's a bigger fraud than any of the previous presidents and I think he's gonna get Americans hurt. We'll just leave it at that for now.

That's all I got for you'se...I'll talk at ya later!

I know...it's been a while

2009-05-27T16:15:00.002-04:00

And this is probably not eh way to start up again...

But I got this in an email today and I found it very amusing! I think what amused me the most was the fact that I could read it without a hitch...and if you heard me read it out loud, you might've thought I wrote it!

Enjoy! Or not, I don't care!

Dear Consumas:

It has come ta our attention dat a cupola copies of the Windows XP New Joisey Edition may have been shipped outsida Joisey. If ya got one a dese,

youse may need some help unnerstanin da commands. Da Joisey edition may be recognized by da unique openin' screen. It reads: "Windas XP", wit a

background pitcha a Hoboken . When youse start da program, instead a da usual stringy like music, you hear a little Springsteen. It's also shipped

wit a Sopranos screen sava. Please also note:

*Recycle bin is labeled " Newark "

*My Computer is called "My Friggin' Computa"

*The Inbox is referred to as "Da Trunk"

*Deleted items are referred to as "Wacked", "Erased" or "Rubbed Out"

*Control Panel is known as "The Bosses"

* Performing an "illegal operation" is known as "Enhancin' da Family Business" and will actually maximize da program instead a shuttin' it down

*Hard Drive is referred to as "Da Turnpike on Da Way to Da Shore"

*Instead of an error message, "You Ain't Gonna Friggin' Believe Dis'" pops up.

Changes in Terminology in Da Joisey Edition:

OK . . . . Sure ting

Cancel . . . . Fugetaboutit

Reset .. . . . Start ova

Yes . . . . Yeah

No . . . . Nah

Find . . . . Put a Contract Out On it

Browse . . . . Get a Looksee

Back . . . . U-Toin

Help .. . . . Get Your Own Friggin' Ansa

Stop . . . .Knock it Off

Start . . . . Move it

Settings . . . . Here's da Rules

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you mistakenly got a copy of the Joisey Edition (not). You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version. You gotta problem wit dat?

I don't know if it's true or not, but I sure hope it is!

2009-05-06T12:33:00.002-04:00

And if it offends anyone....tough!

AUSTRALIA - THE VOICE OF MODERATION

One thing about blokes from Oz is that their hearts and humor are always in the
right place!

T. B. Bechtel, a City Councillor from Newcastle , Australia , was asked on a
local live radio talk show, just what he thought about the allegations of
torture of suspected terrorists. His reply prompted his ejection from the
studio, but to thunderous applause from the audience.

HIS STATEMENT: 'If hooking up one raghead terrorist prisoner's testicles to a
car battery to get the truth out of the lying little camelshagger will save just
one Australian life, then I have only three things to say,' 'Red is positive,
black is negative, and make sure his nuts are wet.'

This is exactly how the discussion on torture should have gone after 9/11. Well not exactly, you can insert your countryman of choice in place of Australian. If what they did to those terrorists saved just one American life, or just one life in general then it's worth it. We didn't make up the rules of this terrorist war, they did when they killed innocent people on September 11th, 2001. People seem to forget that all the time.

Have a nice day!

When will they figure it out?

2009-05-06T07:22:00.003-04:00

For the longest time Yankee fans have known that "the boss" didn't know a thing about baseball. Not until he got a little light in the head and let Brian Cashman take care of t he team did anything good happen to them. Now we have his kids to worry about!

If you remember back a couple of years, Hank and Hal Steinbrenner, George's brain-dead children, chased Joe Torre out of New York and now, look at the Dodgers. They just tied a baseball record that's like a hundred years old or some such silliness. A record for wins at home to start a season. And how do the Yankees and Joe Girardi start theirs? By losing to the Deadsox the first five times they play them!

So, I guess I have to wait a few more years until Georges' kids start to lose their minds...oh wait...they already have, so I guess they have to wait until they can't stand the heat, just like daddy did and they start letting somebody that knows something about baseball actually run the team for my team to begin to win again.

And I won't even get into the price of a ticket at the new Yankee Stadium. Glad I don't live up there anymore or I'd really be screaming about it! I mean come on! $2600 for a seat to a baseball game?!? That needs to come with a lot of emenities! Most of which aren't legal anywhere in the US except Nevada!

Amazing how I've always loved the Yankees and always hated the Steinbrenners. It's a damned shame too. Even if I won the Megamillions, I wouldn't have enough money to buy them away from those idiots!

When does football season start?

Hey Cowgirl fans...nice practice facility Jerry built for your team down there in DallASS!

Have a nice day!

Now I have some things to say!

2009-04-15T10:43:00.002-04:00

I'm getting tired of this guy already!

First he goes to Europe and tells the world that we, he must have a turd in his pocket 'cause he's not talking for me, the United States, have been arrogant. It's not arrogance if you can back it up and the United States has always backed it up!

Now, his DHS has put out a report that says that right wing extremism may be on the rise and the newest recruits are United States military veterans returning home from the war with a chip on their shoulders over the economy and the new black president! I used the CNN version of the report because if I used a FOX News version someone would say it's biased.

At least liberals back in the day had the nads to spit in the face of the Vietnam veterans. They're stabbing the current ones in the back!

I wonder how loud the left would be screaming if a report like that had come out of the W white house saying the same thing about liberal extremists...

It's incredible to me. Every time some talking head tries to point out that Obama's budget is going to bankrupt the country the response is, well we inherited a deficit. Who gives a rats ass what happened before, you're making it worse!

I haven't heard a word from one democrat in DC over the news that the voucher program is ending for public school kids there. You know those DC public schools, the ones the president won't send his own kids too. Must be some good edumacatin' goin on there!

That's all for now...

Have a nice day!

Apparently, it does work!

2009-04-14T07:48:00.003-04:00

Yeah yeah, I know it's been a long time, but I've been busy!

Apparently, Chantix does work. Today is my fourteenth day without a cigarette! You're damned right that's impressive! yeah I know, there are some people that have gone their entire lives without a cigarette. Good for them!

I think it works only because it's worked for me. I think the biggest improvement over other times that I've tried to quit is my attitude. In previous attempts to quit I turned into a real ass. No really! Even more of an ass than I usually am! But this time it's been different. I still get the occasionally craving for a smoke, but it hasn't been accompanied by the misery that seemed to go along with the cravings in the past.

I really put it to the test Friday night. I usually go out and have a few beers on Fridays. I didn't the first Friday that I'd quit, but I did last Friday night and honestly never felt like I needed or wanted a cigarette all night. That's why I say I think it works. If you can get through a night like that here in VA where it's still legal to smoke cigarettes in bars, then you really should be good.

There's been a lot on the news lately about pirates and I was actually thinking the other day....maybe I should become a pirate...then navy SEALs took out three of them at once and I figured...probably not a good career move! So, I'll stick to this new thing for a while. I'll be adding to that one today too. Click the profile link and you'll see the other blog there.

It's a crumby, rainy day here in VA. One of those kinds of days that you just want to sit on the back porch and have cigare...oh wait...I don't do that anymore!

Thank goodness Chantix only works on cigarettes!!!

I'm not sure this is gonna work...

2009-04-01T09:42:00.002-04:00

I started taking Chantix a week ago. If you don't know what it is, Chantix is the newest stop smoking medication out there. I had to jump through hoops to get it. It's not on the approved list of medications for Tricare, the military health care system. Viagra is, but Chantix isn't. I even asked, so, you'll cover me medically when I get cancer, but you won't help me quit? The voice on the other end of the phone said, that's correct sir!

So, I went to a local medical clinic on a navy base around here and got it from them. The deal is you take it for a week and then quit. Well, I started taking it on the 25th of last month, so today, April Fools Day is my quit day.

I get these calls every day giving me ideas on how to quit. Today they told me to avoid those things that you do that make you feel like you wanna smoke. Usually, I wake up in the morning and go out on my back porch and have a cigarette. Kinda hard to avoid waking up, but I managed to avoid that first morning cigarette or three!

The next thing I usually do is use the facilities. You know what I'm talking about...I'm trying not to get too graphic here...but after that I like to have a cigarette. So, there's two things I couldn't avoid that I normally do that make me wanna smoke.

What's gonna happen when I get in my truck? I like to smoke while I'm driving!

I really need to quit. Smoking cigarettes is getting to be as pricey as smoking anything else! The federal govt just raised the tax on a pack of cigarettes to a dollar! And Virginia just raised the tax another 60 cents or so.

I suppose I shouldn't complain to much, my old home state of New Jersey has the highest tax on a pack in the country, at least as far as state and federal taxes go. But it's still a bunch of bullshit. It would be legit if the taxes on cigarettes actually went to something related to cigarette smoking, but it never does. Back in the day, actually only a few years ago, the tobacco companies paid some ridiculous amount of money on a class action lawsuit. All the money was supposed to go to stop smoking education, but I remember reading how some states did stupid things like upgrade the local municipal golf course irrigation system.

Hopefully, this will work, all I need to do is quit waking up and going to the bathroom and I should be okay.

Wish me luck!

Some pictures...

2009-03-30T10:00:00.003-04:00

Idaho Falls, from my hotel room balcony.

The Grand Tetons. I couldn't get this close and not go see them. It took me about an hour to get there.

The pictures don't really do them justice. They're bigger than they look.

The view from my very good friend Jason's' back porch.

This is Big Southern Butte. It's big and it was to the south of the road, so I guess it's a descriptive name. It looked like a big ant hill out in the middle of the desert. To me anyway!

I took these on my recent trip to Idaho.

The Grand Tetons, a place called Big Southern Butte (very original name) and Idaho Falls. It was cold and windy the first couple of days in Idaho Falls, but it did get nice on the last day.

I removed it but...

2009-03-23T08:54:00.003-04:00

I got spammed! I'm not sure who Natasha is or was, but apparently, she thinks that the few people that read this need to see her naked.

I guess that's what I get for not posting for a few weeks. I deleted the comment even though she must be real! How else could she have gotten through the awesome security protocols I have set up for my comments section?

I'll have a few pics for you from my trip last week. I was out in Idaho and Wyoming last week. Well, I was only in Wyoming for a little while. I had to go. I was about an hour away from the Grand Tetons and I just couldn't pass up the trip. To bad I couldn't get as close as I wanted, but I did get a few good pics...I think.

More of those things that make you go hmmm....

2009-03-02T09:44:00.002-05:00

A few weeks ago the talking heads around here predicted a major winter storm. All the local schools closed and I never saw a snow flake. Last night, we got a dusting and it was snowing when I woke up this morning. It's been raining for days. It was 32 when I woke up and around 29 when the sun came up. The local talking heads said it's gonna get colder. So what do our local school systems do? Delay the start of the school day for two hours. Let's wait until the roads ice over, then send out the buses to pick up the kids!

I talked to a friend that owns a towing business and he told me there are over 65 accidents holding on the side of the interstate around here that he responds to and his stretch ain't that big! While I was talking to him he watched a van do a 360 and slam into a wall!

My outside thermometer at the house says it's 27 now, so it's really only gonna get worse. I just looked at the closing list, the Virginia Beach Beauty and Barber School is closed, but VB Public Schools have a two hour delay. I just heard on the radio that there's one school that's open on a road that the state police have closed! How stupid are our educators anyway? No wonder my parents sent me to private school!

I'm staying home, where it's warm.

You have a nice day!

I've started a new blog...

2009-02-25T08:17:00.003-05:00

I promise not to ignore this one though.

If you click on my profile on this page it will take you to a "dashboard". there you'll see I have another blog running.

My plan is to follow this adventure I'm embarking on. I'm going to try to keep track of how the business is going and the ups and downs I encounter along the way. Maybe, in a couple of years, when I become wildly successful, I'll pull it all out and write a book. Something along the lines of "A dumbass' guide to running a business"

Just try to keep up....m'kay?

Have a nice day!

I'm finally gonna do it...

2009-02-23T12:50:00.002-05:00

I'm starting my own business! I'm very excited and very scared at the same time. I believe I can make this work.

An advertising specialty and promotional products distributorship. I can get your company name put on over 800,000 different things and I'll be able to do it fast and inexpensively. Need screened t-shirts? How's $5 a piece sound? I'm talking good quality stuff, like Beefy T's and Hanes!

I went down to city hall this morning and picked up a business license.

My company's name is "i AM Promotions". I'm still working on a logo. I'll be up and running at around 75% in about 2 weeks. I have some training to go to in March and after that, I'll be up and running at full speed.

I'll have a company web site up and running in a few days. The company e-mail is iampromotions@cox.net. Feel free to email it, the only thing that's showed up there so far are the test emails I've sent to it.

I may start a sister blog to this one and talk about my adventures as a small business owner. Then someday, I'll put all the entries together and make a book.

Anyway...wish me luck!

And oh yeah...have a nice day!

Here's a few thoughts for you...

2009-02-18T08:41:00.003-05:00

First, I was watching Man vs. Wild on the Discovery channel on Monday night and the Man in Man Vs. Wild, Bear Grylls, picked through some bear shit pulled out a few pieces of what he said was apple, rinsed them and ate them! My youngest daughter, the Mug, asked me why he just didn't go look for the apple tree? I think that would have been my first instinct as well! I guess if that's what it takes to survive, I just might have to die! It was funny, Bear said it tasted kinda gritty, kinda like an apple dragged through dog poo....no Bear, it was an apple run through a bear digestive tract! I guess it makes for good TV...or mind numbing TV, whatever you wanna call it. I like it.

Next, on A-Fraud.

I watched his press conference...I don't know why! It was something to do. Anyway..

I get the questions that he's still being asked...he says he didn't believe what he was doing was wrong in one breath and follows it with his cousin and he couldn't ask anybody, they just couldn't!

Here's the deal. I knew this guy in the navy back in the early 80's. It was around the time that the navy started urinalysis testing. His attitude was, I'll quit when they catch me...or more specifically, they'll never catch me! Well, they did and he spent Christmas and New Years restricted to the ship, working extra hours every night. He lost a stripe and half a months pay for two months. They always find out...

But nothing will happen to A-Roid...except maybe, after his career. There are a lot of people that vote for the Hall that say they won't vote for anyone who got caught or admitted to using performance enhancing drugs.

To bad being young and stupid isn't a valid excuse anymore. I'm not an A-Fraud fan, but how come it's okay to say in car racing, if you ain't cheating you ain't trying, but not in baseball?

When he was asked if he cheated, A-Roid said, "That's not for me to say." Okay Mr. Rodriguez, I'll say it for you. You cheated! Just like you did when you tried to knock the ball out of Arroyo's hand in that game against Boston. If you're not sure Alex, just ask yourself this question. Would the captain of my team have done it?

Just a few thoughts...

Have a nice day.

It's been more than a week, so it must be time.

2009-02-16T08:30:00.003-05:00

Did you watch the Daytona...380? What a BS way to end a race. I say, give 'em some tread and windshield wipers and let 'em run in the rain!

I hear there's a book coming out on A-Roid...I won't be buying it...or reading it. But you know damned well we'll be hearing about it!

I know, this is probably nitpicking but, would you say our new pres had a good first couple of weeks? I mean, wasn't there a big issue about one of the candidates not properly vetting his VP pick? What would you call nominating three tax cheats to your cabinet? Aren't we supposed to learn from ours and others mistakes?

He did get Nancy's stimulus bill passed though. That San Fransisco mouse is now safe...This is how liberals explain it...from the Huffington Post web site...so, as usual, nobody in DC really knows what the hell is going on!

I actually heard someone on TV try to compare that dumb ass women with 14 kids under six and no husband with Angelina Jolie! You know the woman I'm talking about. The one that's been all over the news because she just had octuplets through invitro fertilization. She has three other sets of twins! And no job! And no future! And quite obviously, no brains either! I think the only thing she may have in common with Angelina is her lips. So, if she has no job and no husband, who's paying for those 14 babies???

Look, I'm not a completely heartless bastard! But stupid people piss me off! What this woman did just proves that all science, even when it's used for good MOST of the time can be used wrong. I wanna know who paid for the eggs to be implanted!

But I guess Obama's gonna save her too!

Anyway...

I'm looking into a home based business. I'm heading to a workshop today. I saw this at the Home and Garden Show over the weekend.

Yeah, I know, what were you doing at the Home and Garden Show Andy?

It was something to do and the tickets were free!

We'll see how it goes. I'll let you know if I start anything. It really caught my eye, though. It probably won't make me a millionaire, but I could make a good living with it I believe. I actually had trouble falling asleep Saturday night, thinking of ways this could work for me. Check this out and let me know what you think...

Anyway, I have things to do...have a nice day.

I've never been a big fan...

2009-02-10T08:50:00.003-05:00

I know I've said it on here before. I've never been a big fan of the NY Yankees 3rd baseman. I give more credit to Giambi than A-Roid. But he's gonna be a Yankee for a long time, so what's a fan supposed to do? Yeah, we were all young and stupid once. It doesn't matter in A-Roid's case anyway. They never helped him play the game in October!

The real problem here is that the results of those tests were never supposed to be released. Kinda funny how of the 105 names, only A-Roid's name gets out. Doesn't seem quite fair, but he did tell the world that he never used performance enhancers on 60 Minutes...

My teams are on a run here! First the Green Run kid, AKA Plaxico, shoots himself in the leg and probably causes the Giants not to be the first team to repeat in awhile. And now A-Roid, A-Fraud, whatever you want to call him, tells us he's been less than truthful, hehehe, to us for the last 5 years.

Let's hope the steroid era is over in sports. I get the impression it's like burning the entire book of matches all at once as compared to lighting them one at a time. You take steroids and you get this bright flame for a little while and then you end up like Lyle Alzaedo and others, dead and gone way to early.

And while I'm on the subject of lies I wanna make an observation. I was watching Morning Joe the other morning and I heard Andrea Mitchell of NBC say that Tom Daschle had to pull out of consideration for the job of Secretary of Health and Human Services because of what Republicans were saying about him. Funny, I thought it was because he took a butt load of money and other goodies, like a car and driver, from the HEALTH industry and conveniently forgot to claim them on his income taxes! How that's not an issue, I don't know.

Now you know why democrats don't worry about raising taxes, they don't pay 'em anyway!!!

Got this from my Pop in an email. Don't know from where...

2009-02-03T11:54:00.006-05:00

To understand the next 4 years you have to understand the world according to Chicago . While it is a city in Illinois it is also a completely different country with a whole different set of morals and language. There are only three rules there which anybody can understand. You don't even need an attorney to understand them and if you need an attorney, well . . . you know too much so look out for Rule #3!

RULE #1 No matter what you see, hear, or do you don't know anybody and you don't know nutin!

RULE #2 If you capture something on tape or camera it doesn't reveal nutin!

RULE #3 If you know what anybody knows in Chicago , well . . . dat's da last ting you'll ever know and you'll wish youse never knew nutin!

Now pay close attention, we don't want to have to say this more than once. It's very simple . . . we'll illustrate. You have to read slow!

These two? They don't know each other!

Remember the first picture? Be sure you only remember that they don't know and you certainly don't either! Da fellas in the background in this picture? Well . . . what fellas? We don't see nutin!

Oops! How did that get in here?
Da guy on the left? For all you know he's Santa Claus. And the guy on the right . . .well, he's Da Easter Bunny! That's all you need to know and you're better off if you don't know that.

Go to your eye doctor, yourse eyes is lieing to yas! Capish?

We don't want to know what they're saying.

Remember Jimmy Hoffa!
He knew too much and now . . .well . . . now no one knows where he is.
Is the big picture clear?

Not these pictures gumwad, cuz youse already forgot dem!

Now, ain't that simple?
They don't know nutin and neither do we!
And don't forget it!

P.S. If you pass this on to your friends, don't forget Rule #1 and, that ways, there's nutin to fear about #3!

Alright...I understand a honeymoon, but WTF?

2009-02-03T11:00:00.002-05:00

I just heard on the news that a 3rd person has resigned from the New Pres's staff before they were even nominated! For what else, not paying taxes!

No wonder democrats love to raise taxes, they don't pay them anyway!

First there was Bill Richardson, the democratic governor of New Mexico. He withdrew from consideration as Commerce Secretary because he's under investigation by the federal govt for taking campaign contributions for govt contracts. he says he didn't do it. We'll see.

Then we have Tom Daschle. I always thought he was sleazy when he was a senator! Apparently, he failed to report income from heath industry officials. And what's he up for nomination of you ask? How 'bout, secretary of health and human services! What can you say about this "change we can believe in" bullshit?

Today it's been reported Nancy Killefer, who was supposed to be the first chief performance officer, withdrew her nomination. I guess this is like some new cabinet position, that probably costs the govt to freaking much anyway! Anyway, she's quitting over tax issues too!

This is supposed to be a new govt. A new beginning. It looks to me like an attempt to bring corrupt Chicago politics to Washington, D.C.

It might be fun to watch...

2009-01-27T09:31:00.003-05:00

The Superbowl is Sunday.

I know, thanks for telling me Andy!

Hush!

Last year, I was headed to Kodiak, Alaska about this time. Having conversations with buffalos in the snow. It's a long story. Alaska was awesome, last years Superbowl was awesome. Somehow, I'm figuring that I'm not gonna be as entertained with this one. But it could be a good game.

Warner is a pretty good QB who's been there before, but so is and has Big Ben. Ben is kinda like Brett though, he can take some chances that he probably shouldn't sometimes. If the game comes down to defense, like it should, then it's the Steelers game to lose. Thier problem could be Boldin and Fitzgerald. Two pretty good receivers. If Warner can get the ball out, like he did against the Iggles....

You know what's really hosed up? The Giants beat both these teams this year in the regular season.

You know what's good about this Sunday? I don't have to go to work Monday morning!

HA!

Have a nice day!

Did you watch it?

2009-01-21T09:27:00.002-05:00

I watched it yesterday. The whole thing. It was a little entertaining and a little moving too. I guess it says something about where our country has come when a man, who fifty years ago, probably would have had to use a separate toilet has been elected to the highest office in our gov't. But why did it have to end with a supposed reverend spewing the BULLSHIT line "when white will do right"?

Was that really necessary? On that day of all days? When a black man takes the oath of office as president of the United States? I'd say it probably took a few whites to do right for that to happen! Wouldn't you? Up until then, I was pretty proud of my country. Well, that's not fair, I've always been proud of my country, but, up until then, I was proud of the moment, maybe that's a better way to put it.

But really, is Obama a black man as black people are usually referenced or usually reference themselves in this country? Most people that claim to be African/American are descendants of slaves. Obama's not. He's a second generation immigrant to this country. His mother was born here and she's white, but his father, the black part of his roots was born in Africa. So, he's the son of immigrants like most of the rest of us. I wonder how long it will take people to start saying he ain't black enough for them?

And really, shouldn't this be about the once again, smooth transition of power from one president to another? The fact that for 230 years we've been passing the torch of leadership in our country from one person to another without so much as a smack in the back of the head? That even when we disagree in this country, it's still more about the idea of America then anything else?

And tell me why is the biggest news story of the day what Michelle wore to all the balls last night? Who give a rats ass!! All morning long, no matter what news channel I switch to they're talking about Mr.s Pres's dress! I DON'T CARE!

I also heard that my country is so hung up on this dumbass fashion thing that when people heard Obama's kids were wearing J. Cruz, whoever the hell that is, people surfing the web crashed the designers web site! How materialistic can we get here people? Holy Mackeral!

Here's another one I heard this morning that really gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling. Apparently, Hollywood loves this president, so that means there are gonna be a lof of, what this little bimbo on MSNBC called, A-listers, hanging around the whitehouse for the next four years. Let's hope not! Some of the dumbest people on the planet come out of Hollywood and the list toppers for most ridiculous are usually those they call A-listers!

Like I said before, I'm willing to give the guy a chance. I think he loves our country and I think he'll try to do the right thing...it's just that nobody seems to know what that is right now...

Anyway, have a nice day!

Told ya!

2009-01-19T09:06:00.002-05:00

I said last week that the closest the Iggles would get to the Superbowl was to play their last game of the season on the field where the Giants won the Superbowl last season. I was dead on!

Yeah, the score made it look close and maybe, just maybe, if the Iggles could have stayed in the game in the first two quarters it might have actually been a decent football game, but they didn't and it really wasn't that close a football game. Of course, I'm sure there are a few Cardinal fans that might disagree with my sentiments.

Man there were some really big hits in that game yesterday!

I think I'll really enjoy this Superbowl...not as much as I enjoyed last years, but it should still be fun. I like both teams. The Cardinals have been nothing but a joke in the NFL for a very long time. I was pretty upset back in the day when they took them out of the NFC East because it was pretty much two sure wins every season for MY Giants.

These are actually two of the oldest teams in the NFL. The Cardinals website says they've been in existence since 1898! And the Steelers site says they've been around a little less time, starting in 1933. These two teams are part of the original history of the NFL. According to the Cards site, they claim to be the oldest pro football team in the country and the Steelers claim fifth oldest. My Giants fall somewhere in the middle of that mess along with the Bears and Packers.

I think the Steelers need to slow down a bit though. This will be their 7th appearance in the Superbowl! So far they're 5-1 in Superbowls, losing only to the Cowgirls in Superbowl XXX. By contrast, the Cardinals have never even been to the Superbowl! They won a championship way back in 1947 or something like that, but they've rarely even made the playoffs in the modern football era. It's amazing what a new stadium can do for you!

I think that Fitzgerald guy would look pretty damned good in Giants blue!!! My team needs another tall receiver to take the place of the bonehead that needs weapons handling training. A lot of underclassmen receivers coming out in this draft...maybe they should look there...

Anyway, have a nice day!

Maybe I was a little bitter the other day...

2009-01-16T09:10:00.003-05:00

You know, I look back and MY football team had a pretty good run. The Giants won the Superbowl last year when they weren't even supposed to make the playoffs. So, all in all, it's been a good run. Considering all the crap the team went through with injuries and idiots, I think they still had a good year.

And how about that landing yesterday!?!??! You don't know how many USAir A320's I've been on! I almost always sat in the exit row or one row behind it. Those are prime seats on an Airbus!

I wonder how many women and children I would have stepped on trying to get out of there yesterday! I've always wondered how I'd act in a situation like that...I hope I never have to find out! I also hope that if I do, I'm not the news story about the idiot that knocked everyone over trying to get out. Did those seat cushions work yesterday?

Have a nice day!

That was kinda ugly!

2009-01-12T07:51:00.002-05:00

It started out pretty good. Looked like it was gonna be a football game and then MY Giants seemed to just kinda give up!

Yeah, I really hate the Iggles too! They're gonna end up letting the Arizona Cardinals go to the Superbowl! Next Sunday is the closest the Iggles should get to the Superbowl...playing on the field where the Giants won it last year! That's it!

And the Cardinals never would have got as close as they're gonna get if they had stayed in the NFC East. The only reason they had as many wins as they did was because they get to play NFC Worst teams six times! You're damned right I'm bitter! Dumbass shooting himself in the leg!

Feh!

I don't wanna talk about it!

Football is now over...let's talk about the Yankees!

Have a nice day!

It's starting again!

2009-01-09T07:44:00.002-05:00

Last year, every time I turned on a sports channel like ESPN all I ever heard was how the Giants didn't belong in the playoffs. They were the worst team in the playoffs....blah, blah, blah...

It's not quite as bad this year, but their are still a couple of talking heads that say that team from Philly is gonna win on Sunday. These talking heads seem to base this partly on their performance in the last game of the season. Weren't these idiots watching the same game I was? Didn't they see that there wasn't one starter left in the game for the G-men by the fourth quarter? Didn't they see that Eli didn't even play in the second the half?

If the Eagles did make it to the Superbowl we already know how it ends. The same way that movie Invincible ended. The Eagles don't win the Superbowl!

The talking head I've seen lately, talking trash about MY Giants, is Tim Hasselbeck, who in his 6 year career in the NFL threw a total of 177 passes. He was actually on the Giants roster for two years! Never through a pass, but apparently he was there!

Last weekend, on Saturday to be a little more precise, I was watching football and I saw that NBC had a new football analyst. Matt Millen! For those of you that don't know who Matt Millen is, I'll tell you. He was president and CEO of the ONLY team in NFL history to lose all 16 regular season games. The football team that he put together managed to lose EVERY game they played in 2008! And somehow this qualifies him to analyse other teams? I guess it's one of those things your parents told you when you were younger...you remember, do as I say, not as I do...

I guess I shouldn't bitch to much, at least if Millen is talking I don't have to listen to Olbermann!

I'm sitting at home looking for a job and boneheads like this get hired to analyse someone elses effort after they proved to be the most monumental failure in the history of their profession. What's fair about that? It's like the people at goldman sachs or lehman brothers getting bonuses! I guess it's "those who can, do, those who can't, talk about it!"

So, come Monday, I might be back to twist the knife. I will say that I'd rather have seen the Vikings again or better yet, the Cardinals. But, MY Giants will do what needs to be done to make sure they're still playing next weekend.

That's my prognostication! Big word huh? Didn't even have to look it up!

Have a nice day!

Monday morning ramble...

2008-12-29T08:03:00.005-05:00

So, the Superbowl Champion New York Football Giants lost their last regular season game yesterday. I'm not really crushed by this, it was really more like the Champs invited the Vikings to come along and play a game or two in the playoffs. I mean, let's be real here! Who'd the Vikings beat in the second half yesterday? They beat the Giants second string! And it was still close! 12-4!

For the first time in Giants history they have TWO 1000 yard rushers! Brandon Jacobs and Derrick Ward joined a pretty cool list of tandem running backs to accomplish this feat. Larry Czonka and Mercury Morris did it on the undefeated Dolphin team in '72. Franco Harris and Rocky Bleier did it for the '76 Steelers and Mack and Byner did it for the Browns in '85. I'm not counting the Falcons because if one of the tandem is a QB then I personally would say that's not a very balanced offensive attack. And where did it get the Falcons anyway?

Hey check this out! David Carr, the Giants backup QB has a 144.1 QB rating! So what if he's only thrown 12 passes all year!

Now let's get down to the rest of it...

The Cowgirls are out! What a shame. If it was up to me, I'd make it illegal to even talk about them until the season is over and minicamps start up! What can you say about the 'Girls other than they may be the new Raiders, or at least the Raiders of the NFC. Because just like the Raiders, when the owner of the team gets to involved everything gets hosed up!

My prediction for next year...you ready? At the beginning of next season, the Cowgirls will once again be considered by the dumbass talking heads to be the best team in the NFC. HA!

I was watching NFL Network last night and Neon Dione, I call him that because I remember that he doesn't like it, couldn't seem to face it. He refuses to put any blame on the owner, I think Jerry Jones and him might have a thing going on, if you know what I mean. He refuses to give credit to anything ever related to the Giants. This fact was quite evident when the crew of the Sunday show was talking about the miraculous turn around of the Miami Dolphins. He wouldn't mention the front office guy who helped make it happen. Like Parcells didn't have anything to do with that!

The NFL Network will continue to be a second rate network as long as Neon Dione is on it. I don't care how many interceptions he had when he played or any other stat that he may have excelled in when he played. He's worse than Theisman when it comes to talking about football. What is it with some of these EX-cowgirls? Some of them, like Sanders and Irvin, I couldn't stand when they played and I can't stand as talking heads. Others like Emmitt Smith, Troy Aikman and Moose (I can't think of his name right now) who I had a lot of respect for as players are still doing a fine job.

I can remember a few years back when the Giants didn't make the playoffs with a 10-6 record. I was not happy, especially when I saw that the Shehawks had made it with the same record. I can't imagine how Patriot fans must feel after their team won 11 games and didn't make the playoffs! Look, I understand that the NFL is divided up into divisions and division winners get to the playoffs, but should an 8-8 team really make it when an 11-5 team doesn't?

And here's another thing that bothers me about some football players. I've always heard it said, act like you've been there before. This mainly pertains to guys getting into the end zone during a football game. But, if you're on a losing team and you score a touchdown, where do you get off acting like you're something special? If your team sucks and you occasionally do something that might be considered a little special, like scoring, and if you're on a losing team, it probably does seem special to you, then why not pretend like you have a little class? Why act like an idiot in the end zone if for no other reason than to get onto Neon Dione's list of "Primetime players"? If you got your second touchdown or sack in week 17, then you're not special!!!

Here's to hoping the NFL changes a few things this off season. I surely don't want to be subjected to losers like the Cowgirls and the "Kittens" in Detroit every Thanksgiving! 9-23 between them! Awesome! Oh well, it makes the women in my life a little happier when I'm not glued to the TV all day on Thanksgiving!

Congratulations to teams like the Falcons and the Dolphins for the awesome turnarounds from a year ago. Considering what the Falcons have been through, I think that's pretty impressive and for the Dolphins to go from least to beast in one season is outstanding! I mean come on! From 1-15 to 11-5 and AFC East champs is pretty dmaned good!

And lastly, why the hell don't my Giants have any cheerleaders? It's not like they can't find any beautiful women in NY and Jersey! Yeah, most of them have big hair, but that can be fixed!

That's all I got...

Have a nice day!

Tampa or bust!

Happy New Year!!!

Wow! 301 yards rushing!

2008-12-22T07:42:00.002-05:00

It was 11 PM last night when the Giants tied the game in regulation. It was 11:15 when they won the coin toss to start overtime. If Carolina hadn't called time out, it would've been 11:30 when the Giants finally won the game. Way past my bedtime! Instead it was about 11:32, maybe :33 when they finally ended this game.

But I was wide awake!

I thought this was a great football game! Not sure if I'd still feel that way if the Giants hadn't won it. But now, the road to the Superbowl goes through East Rutherford, NJ!

My team plays the Vikings next week. The game doesn't really matter to the G-men, but the coach likes to play everybody all the time. Remember last year? The final game of the season didn't mean anything to either team really, but I think Coach Coughlin knew that if his guys played well against the Patriots, they could carry that into the playoffs.

Just in case you forgot, the Giants won three road playoff games last year and then beat the Pats in the Superbowl...just in case you forgot. I haven't! Hehe

Anyway, have a nice day...

...and Merry Christmas!