The Ugly American
"Political Correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and rabidly promoted by the unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."
I don't know who said it....but it's definitely worth repeating!
This one is too funny not to put up!!!
Got this in an email from an old friend of mine...
A man driving around the backwoods of Montana sees a sign in front of a broken down house: 'Talking Dog For Sale .' He rings the bell, and the owner appears and tells him that the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he asks 'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help my country, so I contacted the CIA. In no time at all, they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger. So I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible drug deals and was awarded a batch of medals.'
'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog..
'Ten dollars,' the guy says.
'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'
'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit'
Yeah, I'm from Jersey...so what of it???
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York archaeologists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story in the LA Times read: "California archaeologists, finding traces of 200 year old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers."
One week later, The Jersey Journal, a local newspaper in New Jersey, reported the following:
After digging as deep as 30 feet in his back yard , Vinny 'Bada Bing' Manziano, a self taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Vinny has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, New Jersey had already gone wireless."
Just makes me proud to be from New Jersey
Both my football teams won yesterday!!!
What's that you say? Of course I root for two football teams every Sunday. I root for the New York Football Giants and who ever is playing the cowgirls.
I'd like to say thank you to Jerry Jones for personally choosing the Giants as the first guests to his Billion dollar party. I'd say they had a marvelous time!
I see the carnage on the freeway already...all those people falling off the cowgirl band wagon...that band wagon ride can be pretty bumpy. Like sitting in the back of the school bus when it goes over the railroad tracks! People are gonna be falling off it all over the place!
Have a nice day!!!!! I will!
I wonder if people are forgetting...
It's hard to forget what happened on this day eight years ago, but sometimes, when you listen to some politicians and the way they talk about the middle east, you'd think those islamists loved us!
Yeah, the last guy really screwed the pooch as they say. He had the entire world on his side and he attacked that little bonehead dictator from a country that really had nothing to do with that specific attack. If he'd done it right there's no telling where we'd be today.
But I also hear and see a lot of comments that give me the idea that somehow, because we're, that's Americans, a little to arrogant, that what happened on September 11, 2001 was in fact, our own fault. And sorry for the language, but that's straight up bullshit.
Our new pres has it a little better. Afghanistan is a little closer to the real problem, but really, when you look at it, it was Saudi Arabia that attacked us that day. Nobody ever really talks about that, but those 21 guys on those four planes were all from Saudi Arabia. They were all wahhabi islamists. But I never heard to many nasty words against one of the worlds largest oil producers. Not from a politician or a talking head on TV.
There are a lot of brands of islam, just like there are a lots of brands of other religions. Apparently, whahhabi is the brand that requires you to be rat living in an outhouse fucking crazy and strap bombs to your ass for the betterment of your fellow shit house rat crazy cultists. Can't be for your own good, you won't be around to enjoy the "fruits" of your labors. Well, that's not entirely true, 'cause you'll be "around" alright. Around the entire neighborhood. You know, head here, arm there...
I don't know what the answer is for dealing with this middle ages brand of religion. That's what islam is, nothing but the MOST backward religion on the planet. They're all backwards, but at lest some of them teach peace and love, not hate and destruction. Yeah, yeah, I know the crusades and all that....check your history, the crusades were a response. They didn't start unprovoked, they just got carried away in the end. Still destruction though...anyway you look at it. I spent about 18 years going to church, look what it did to me!
Anyway! Maybe Derek Jeter can help us, Tri-staters that are Yankee fans too, that is, forget, or at least ease some of the painful memories to this date, 9-11. Tonight, weather permitting, Jeter will play against the Baltimore Orioles. The night before last, Jeter tied the great Lou Gehrig's record for most hits ever by a Yankee. Tonight, September 11, 2009, Jeter could break Gehrigs' record.
Then, when people ask, what happened on 9-11, I can say...You really have to ask? And mean it both for the Twin Towers and Jeters' newest Yankee record! But if you ever ask me personally what heppened on 9-11, I may just pop you in the nose for being an IDIOT!
Never forget people! NEVER!
Check this out!
I found this web site from a friend on Facebook. It's pretty cool. It tells you when the international space station and the shuttle will be over head in the night sky.
I've laid on lounge chairs in the backyard with my girls before and seen satellites in the sky. Mostly out in AZ, they have some of the best star gazing skies in the west valley of Phoenix. At least they used to before they built all those houses out there!
Anyway, you can check it out here. It's a nasa sight,
so it's nice and "G" rated...
From my Mom this time...
I occasionally get emails from my mom. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought she actually made this list up! I'm pretty sure I've heard jsut about every one of these at one time or another in my life...
25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER
1. *My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE *. 'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.'
2. *My mother taught me RELIGION *. 'You better pray that will come out of the
3. *My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL *. 'If you don't straighten up, I'm
going to knock you into the middle of next week!'
4. *My mother taught me LOGIC *. ' Because I said so, that's why.'
5. *My mother taught me MORE LOGIC *. 'If you fall out of that swing and break
your neck, you're not going to the store with me.'
6. *My mother taught me FORESIGHT *. 'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in
case you're in an accident.'
7.. *My mother taught me IRONY * 'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to
8. *My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS *. 'Shut your mouth
and eat your supper.'
9. *My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM *. 'Will you look at that dirt on
the back of your neck!'
10. *My mother taught me about STAMINA *. 'You'll sit there until all that
spinach is gone.'
11. *My mother taught me about WEATHER *. 'This room of yours looks as if a tornado
went through it.'
12. *My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY *. 'If I told you once, I've told you
a million times. Don't exaggerate!'
13. *My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE *. 'I brought you into this
world, and I can take you out.'
14. *My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION *. 'Stop acting like your father!'
15. *My mother taught me about ENVY *. 'There are millions of less fortunate
children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.'
16. *My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION *. 'Just wait until we get home.'
17. *My mother taught me about RECEIVING *. 'You are going to get it when you
18. *My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE *. 'If you don't stop crossing your
eyes, they are going to freeze that way.'
19. *My mother taught me ESP *. 'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know
when you are cold?'
20. *My mother taught me HUMOR *. 'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
don't come running to me.'
21. *My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT *. 'If you don't eat your
vegetables, you'll never grow up.'
22. *My mother taught me GENETICS. * 'You're just like your father.'
23. *My mother taught me about my ROOTS *. 'Shut that door behind you. Do you
think you were born in a barn?'
24. *My mother taught me WISDOM *. 'When you get to be my age, you'll
25. And my favorite: *My mother taught me about JUSTICE * 'One day you'll have
kids, and I hope they turn out just like you
There were a few more, but I'll cut mom a little slack and leave those off...
My family is on their way down here for the weekend. Looking forward to a great weekend!