The Ugly American: May 2009 Locations of visitors to this page
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The Ugly American
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
  I know...it's been a while
And this is probably not eh way to start up again...

But I got this in an email today and I found it very amusing! I think what amused me the most was the fact that I could read it without a hitch...and if you heard me read it out loud, you might've thought I wrote it!

Enjoy! Or not, I don't care!


Dear Consumas:

It has come ta our attention dat a cupola copies of the Windows XP New Joisey Edition may have been shipped outsida Joisey. If ya got one a dese,

youse may need some help unnerstanin da commands. Da Joisey edition may be recognized by da unique openin' screen. It reads: "Windas XP", wit a

background pitcha a Hoboken . When youse start da program, instead a da usual stringy like music, you hear a little Springsteen. It's also shipped

wit a Sopranos screen sava. Please also note:

*Recycle bin is labeled " Newark "

*My Computer is called "My Friggin' Computa"

*The Inbox is referred to as "Da Trunk"

*Deleted items are referred to as "Wacked", "Erased" or "Rubbed Out"

*Control Panel is known as "The Bosses"

* Performing an "illegal operation" is known as "Enhancin' da Family Business" and will actually maximize da program instead a shuttin' it down

*Hard Drive is referred to as "Da Turnpike on Da Way to Da Shore"

*Instead of an error message, "You Ain't Gonna Friggin' Believe Dis'" pops up.

Changes in Terminology in Da Joisey Edition:

OK . . . . Sure ting

Cancel . . . . Fugetaboutit

Reset .. . . . Start ova

Yes . . . . Yeah

No . . . . Nah

Find . . . . Put a Contract Out On it

Browse . . . . Get a Looksee

Back . . . . U-Toin

Help .. . . . Get Your Own Friggin' Ansa

Stop . . . .Knock it Off

Start . . . . Move it

Settings . . . . Here's da Rules

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you mistakenly got a copy of the Joisey Edition (not). You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version. You gotta problem wit dat?
 
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
  I don't know if it's true or not, but I sure hope it is!
And if it offends anyone....tough!


AUSTRALIA - THE VOICE OF MODERATION

One thing about blokes from Oz is that their hearts and humor are always in the
right place!

T. B. Bechtel, a City Councillor from Newcastle , Australia , was asked on a
local live radio talk show, just what he thought about the allegations of
torture of suspected terrorists. His reply prompted his ejection from the
studio, but to thunderous applause from the audience.

HIS STATEMENT: 'If hooking up one raghead terrorist prisoner's testicles to a
car battery to get the truth out of the lying little camelshagger will save just
one Australian life, then I have only three things to say,' 'Red is positive,
black is negative, and make sure his nuts are wet.'

This is exactly how the discussion on torture should have gone after 9/11. Well not exactly, you can insert your countryman of choice in place of Australian. If what they did to those terrorists saved just one American life, or just one life in general then it's worth it. We didn't make up the rules of this terrorist war, they did when they killed innocent people on September 11th, 2001. People seem to forget that all the time.

Have a nice day!
 
  When will they figure it out?
For the longest time Yankee fans have known that "the boss" didn't know a thing about baseball. Not until he got a little light in the head and let Brian Cashman take care of t he team did anything good happen to them. Now we have his kids to worry about!

If you remember back a couple of years, Hank and Hal Steinbrenner, George's brain-dead children, chased Joe Torre out of New York and now, look at the Dodgers. They just tied a baseball record that's like a hundred years old or some such silliness. A record for wins at home to start a season. And how do the Yankees and Joe Girardi start theirs? By losing to the Deadsox the first five times they play them!

So, I guess I have to wait a few more years until Georges' kids start to lose their minds...oh wait...they already have, so I guess they have to wait until they can't stand the heat, just like daddy did and they start letting somebody that knows something about baseball actually run the team for my team to begin to win again.

And I won't even get into the price of a ticket at the new Yankee Stadium. Glad I don't live up there anymore or I'd really be screaming about it! I mean come on! $2600 for a seat to a baseball game?!? That needs to come with a lot of emenities! Most of which aren't legal anywhere in the US except Nevada!

Amazing how I've always loved the Yankees and always hated the Steinbrenners. It's a damned shame too. Even if I won the Megamillions, I wouldn't have enough money to buy them away from those idiots!

When does football season start?

Hey Cowgirl fans...nice practice facility Jerry built for your team down there in DallASS!

Have a nice day!
 
Not sure if I am THE ugly American, but I must be AN ugly American, because some Canadian told me so!!!

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Location: Virginia Beach, United States

20 year Navy vet, originally from NJ now living in Virginia Beach and yeah, Life Is Good!

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