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The Ugly American
Monday, August 25, 2008
  My wife says I'm a redneck...
And I may very well be a redneck.

Dictionary.com gives the following definition:

red·neck (rěd'něk') n. Offensive Slang

1. Used as a disparaging term for a member of the white rural laboring class, especially in the southern United States.
2. A white person regarded as having a provincial, conservative, often bigoted attitude.

I am a little bit conservative. I don't believe I'm part of the white rural laboring class. I do live in the south though, although, that's not where I'm from originally. I don't believe myself to be provincial. I don't have a limited perspective as I've travelled the world and seen some things. And I don't think I'm a bigot. You do your thing and I'll do mine is more how I live.

There's a comedian out there that says you can tell a lot about a redneck by the t-shirts he or she has. Those t-shirts will tell you everything about a redneck. What kind of beer they drink, where they've travelled, there favorite teams, all that kind of stuff. Well, I have a lot of t-shirts.

I've also been to a few NASCAR races. I think the total may be up to eight races now. I've been to Phoenix, Charlotte, Richmond and Dover for races. I've been to hundreds of boat races all over the east coast.

I like to fish and hunt. I'm more into fishing. But I think that's more about opportunity than anything else.

But what I did last weekend may in fact, cement my redneckness.

About midweek my wife asked me if I had made any plans for the weekend. She told me that her friends husband needed a partner for a tournament at the beach. What kind of tournament I asked. She said that her friend said it was cornhole or something like that....HUH?!??! You want me to cornhole your friends husband? Baby, you know I don't go that way!!! Call her back and find out what this tournament is...you must have gotten it wrong...nobody cornholes at the beach, at least not in broad daylight!!! She called me back a little while later and said that her girlfriend had gotten it right and her husband wanted to "practice" that night...Yeah, okay, are you gonna watch too???

But I did a little research and sure enough, there was a cornhole tournament at the beach...at the same place they were holding the ECSC...that's the East Coast Surfing Championships.

I spent the weekend cornholing! yeah, you read it right. Cornholing.

Keep it clean you pigs!

Cornhole is a game. I believe it originated in the Midwest somewhere. It's actually a lot of fun!


It's a game similar to horseshoes. Played on a "court" that's about 30 feet long. The board is two feet wide by four feet deep and placed on an angle. The object of the game is to throw an approximately one pound bag of corn into a hole on the board at the other end of the court. Corn bags that go in the hole are worth 3 points and cornbags that stay on the board are worth one. Each player has 4 bags and they are tossed alternately from player to player. The game ends when one team reaches 21 points. You can play single player games or team games. There's less walking in the team game. But like horseshoes, if you play one on one then you walk back and forth between rounds and if you play as a two player team, one player stays at one end and his teammate plays from the other end. Get it? If you're really interested and most of you probably aren't, you can find the rules at American Cornhole.org or At vabeachcornhole.com. I guess they're our local authority on cornhole!

There starting up a league here in Va Beach and I'm thinking about joining. It's something to do on a Thursday night!

Hey, I had a good time and we finished seventh out of something like 27 teams, so we didn't do to bad! Considering that I'd never played the game before I think I did alright.

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  Please allow me to take this moment to announce my candidacy...
Yes indeed ladies and gentlemen...

codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0"
WIDTH="384" HEIGHT="304">








...of course, you'll have to write my name in...but we can do this!!!

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Wednesday, August 20, 2008
  This may shed some light on why I don't like the Eagles!
I found this on The Smoking Gun website. It a news story about a guy from Philly that got caught trying to extort money from the Superbowl Champion NY Giants head coach, Tom Coughlin.

Apparently, some guy named Herbert Simpson, no doubt related to Homer Simpson, sent a couple of letters to Coach Coughlin that he wrote himself, but tried to pass off as letters from two women that supposedly had sex with the coach while on a trip to Philly for a game last year.

What makes it really funny is that I guess the guys handwriting is so recognizable that when authorities went to the women accused of writing the letters they were able to tell them that Homers bro' actually wrote them and they had nothing to do with it. Maybe the letters had donut stains on them or something?

Let's think about this for a minute. Could you pick a more straight laced guy than Coach Coughlin to try and bribe? But I guess you just have to remember some things about Eagles fans...these are the folks that pelted Santa with snowballs back in the day. In case you forgot about that event and it's understandable how that could happen, I mean, it was 1968 after all, I'm adding a couple of different links to the story. You can see them here and here. They're even written by what appear to be Philly fans. I only say that because they offer excuses for why fans would pelt Santa with snowballs, as if there's really an excuse for being so crude.

They say they did it because they were pissed at ownership for dismantling a good team. If that's the case, they should have hung Santa by now! I mean, come on, the Eagles have been dismantling good teams for years! Unfortunately for them, it's always been their own!

Hey Eagle fans....you know that movie Invincible with Marky Mark? You don't need to go see it, I can tell you how it ends....

...the Eagles DON'T win the Superbowl!

I know, sorry for spoiling it for you. I know you were all hoping that the movie maker would use a little poetic license and change history and actually let your team win a Superbowl!!! They might have...if you'd been a little nicer to Santa!

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Monday, August 18, 2008
  Spent Friday at the beach...
Got a room at the beach Friday night, just wanted to be able to party and not have to worry about driving.

Friday afternoon a nasty storm rolled across the area and I got these pictures from my balcony window.




The rain came with this and it didn't stop until around 9 PM.



I love waking up to the sound of the waves crashing on the beach and seeing a beautiful sunrise. You know, if it wasn't for all the tourists, the Beach wouldn't be a bad place to go!!! I'm kidding! Really!


I wanted you to see this last picture. We were on the sixth floor. That's at least 60 feet off the ground and I could barely see Chesapeake Light. Chesapeake Light is a light house that's 13 miles off the coast of Virginia Beach. From the beach it's pretty difficult to see. Keep in mind that I was using a 300mm lens on a digital SLR camera. Not some cheap little box camera.

Oil drilling would take place even farther out than this. Outside the boating and shipping channels. The sunrise pictures should be showing the same thing, but like I said, sometimes you can't see the lighthouse.

So there's another Sierra Club bogus argument on drilling off the coast debunked right here. But hey, wouldn't that sunrise look cool with a bunch of windmills in front of it???

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Friday, August 15, 2008
  So, here's what happened....
A couple of days ago one of my big TVs died. No, I don't have an HDTV yet, this is one of those older heavier TVs. A 32" Sanyo.

Yesterday afternoon I loaded the TV onto the back of my pickup and headed out to a TV repair shop that I was familiar with. They'd done work on some other TVs of mine years ago and the work had been acceptable. It took a few days, but that's to be expected. But I called before I took the TV over there. You know, it was 4:30 in the afternoon, so I wanted to make sure they were still open. The girl on the other end of the phone said they were open until 5PM. Cool, I said, and hung up.

I asked a buddy to give me a hand (that puppy's heavy man!) and we loaded the TV on the back of my truck and drove it the mile down the road. You see one of the reasons that I asked a friend to help me, other than the fact that a 32" TV weighs a ton was because the woman at Maurice Electronics had told me that she was usually there alone and she couldn't help me move the TV into the store.

I got to Maurice Electronics at 4:46PM. The doors were locked, the place was empty. I called the number that I had called not 15 minutes earlier and got a recording. The recording told me that the normal operating hours were whatever till 5PM. Then the recording told me that if I had reached this recording during normal business hours that I should try again, because all lines were probably busy and if not then I should leave a message.

I left them a message and let me tell you it wasn't a very pleasant message. I was furious! I'd asked a friend to take time out of his day to help me and then these A-holes screw me like that? She could have said they were open until 4:45, 4:30, anything like that and I wouldn't have even tried it! But no, she told me 5PM. But I had to be cool as I got back in my truck. No burning rubber, pulling out of the parking lot like an idiot or anything like that. You know, I had a 32" TV on the back of my truck! Breathe Andy! Breathe! I called home to vent. It helped a little.

My daughter went to work (at the urging of her mother) and found another TV repair shop and she said they were supposed to be open until 6 or 6:30. When I tried to call the line was busy. I decided to take a chance. I already had the TV loaded on the truck anyway. So, I drove over to this place. Bridge TV.

When I got to Bridge TV and spoke with Noel he asked me what was wrong with the TV. My daughter and I explained how the TV had died and he said, I'm pretty sure I can fix it. I've seen this a hundred times before and I have the parts. I'll look at it and call you in about 15 minutes and let you know if it's what I think it is.

I went home and sure enough, Noel called me 15 minutes later. He told me that it was what he thought it was and told me how much it would cost to fix it and if I wanted it could be ready in 15 minutes! 15 minutes!?!?! I said do it!

At a little after six last night I was putting my TV back in the entertainment center! How freaking awesome is that? I had my TV repaired and back in my house in an hour and a half all because somebody else screwed up. If that woman at Maurice hadn't been so damned lazy and closed the store early, there'd still be a big hole in the middle of the entertainment center, but thanks to her laziness, I already have my TV back. And this new place is a lot closer to my house, not even a quarter mile away!

I win!

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  Another email worth sharing!
This makes sense to me...I'm not sure why. I got it from a Coastie friend of mine. You might like it, but if you don't that's probably what the last line is all about.

Subject: World History 101

For those of you who slept through World History 101 here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter. The two most important events in all of history were:

1. The invention of beer, and
2. The invention of the wheel.

The wheel was invented to get man to the beer, and the beer to the man.

These facts formed the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals
2. Conservatives

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, the evolution of the Hollywood actor, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide all the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years, Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, firemen, lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history.
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers, and to more liberals . . . just to piss them off
 
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
  I just can't stop!!!
I saw this today! You're gonna love this America!

Just check out who's giving Barry Obama a ringing endorsement as YOUR next president...

...come on...guess!

Okay, if you're not gonna guess, I guess I'll have to give you the link


Check this out!

Sorry, I can't even make this shit up!!!!!

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  Got this from LGF...
LGF stands for Little Green Footballs...

I don't know exactly what little green footballs has to do with politics, but this is a pretty entertaining political site.

Anyway, they pointed out this article on DailyKos, which you know, unless you've been hiding under a rock, is one of the most liberal websites on the planet.

In case you haven't figured it out by now, I'm not one of the most liberal people on the planet. I'm more of a do it yourself kinda guy, not a let the govt do it for me kinda guy...

So, here's the story that I read this morning...these folks like to talk trash about right wings crazies...like the story I published earlier about Olberman. But where right wing crazies pray for rain in Denver during the DNC, left wing crazies pray to their secular god for brain tumors....nice folks ain't they? They followed the article with a very pleasant poll too. Check it all out, it's down there...

I won't get into the spelling and grammar issues of the article only because the person who apparently penned it already said it was gonna be hosed.


Daily Kos: 'If God Can Give Robert Novak a Brain Tomour then Why Cant He Give All of Them One'

Wow.

You think you’ve seen the most hateful, illiterate garbage possible from the Kos Kids, and then they post something like this: Daily Kos: If all rightwing pundits had one neck, I’d hack it though.

This will be about mostly right wingnut pundits. It will have profanity, Ideas/images that will upset you. Bad spelling, horrible gammer, disgusting punctuation. So if the F word shivers your timbers, or a misplaced semi-colon is like fingernails along a blackboard. Then I suggest you move on to another blog. Cavet Empty

If god can give Robert Novak a brain tomour then why cant he give all of them one. I’m sure they annoy the f*ck out of him. I’ve heard that novak is called the prince of darkness. Hes just an vile slimey crumudgeon. Prince of Darkness? Too flattering by a long shot. But hes got his now and is out of the picture. Good riddence. A question? If your a liberal/democrat asked to appear on fox news. Dosnt that make you a lame by definition? Its like the old saying. If your in a poker game and you dont spot the sucker in the frist 30 minutes, you are the sucker. I dont understand why anyone(liberal/democrat) would agree to go on that channel.You would just be used as a punching bag. If you’ve actually watched Hannity and Doormat you know what I mean. I used to listen to a lot or wingnut radio, but it gets boring after a while. If your not one of the converted being preached at is just annoying. No dissenting voices are allowed. Anyone who makes a valid point is accused of being a seminar caller. Like I need to go to class to refute thier bullsh*t. Was there ever such a thing as a right wing radio seminar? Wingnut radio is only successful because they give it away. If I’m the general manager for a radio station, why would I hire local talent, who needs to be paid in actual dollars with benifits ect. when I can get the syndicated wingnut by giving up a few minuets of time each hour for them to sell ads. Air america failed beacuse they didnt give away there programming. Of course I could be wrong. And I was certinatly ready to listen. They had great talent; Randi Roades case in point.


With a “poll” that asks the question, “which right wing f*ckstick should get the next brain tomour?”

Rush“lock the medicene cabniet when I visit” Limbaugh - 5% - 1 votes

Laura“bitter closeted carpet muncher” Ingrahm - 0% - 0 votes

Sean“fredo corleone” Hannity - 11% - 2 votes

Bill “I’ll get fox news security to f*ck you up” O’Rielley - 5% - 1 votes

Mike“I was drunk when I sucked Allen Gingsbergs c*ck so Im not queer”savage - 11% - 2 votes

Dennis“my moral compass is jammed up my ass” Prager - 0% - 0 votes

Mike“the thunderbolt missed me and hit my wife”Gallagher - 0% - 0 votes

Mark“how many conservative jews is too many on the radio”Levin - 0% - 0 votes

Mike“draft dodger chicken hawk” Medvid - 0% - 0 votes

Charles“Dr. Strangelove” Krathenhammer, - 0% - 0 votes

Mort“I am not a pussy”Kondrackie - 0% - 0 votes

Matt“Im not a fag”Drudge - 0% - 0 votes

Ann “c*nty” Colter - 0% - 0 votes

Oh lord we beseech thee, smite them all - 35% - 6 votes

how can they have a brain toumour with no brains - 29% - 5 votes

This person needs psychological help.

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  I tried...I really tried!
I've always heard that some people believe that MSNBC is a good source for news. Well, since a lot of the Olympics has been on that very channel I figured it would be a good time to check it out. I've come to one conclusion about MSNBC and it's not that they're a good source for news. The conclusion I've come to is that they should change their name.

MSNBC should change their name to the anti-FoxNews channel. I watched two programs yesterday. Keith Olbermans show and the show that follows that one is one hosted by Dan Abrams. These guys don't report the news, they report their issues with FoxNews. FoxNews did this and FoxNews did that and Bill O'Reilly did this and Bill O'Reilly did that and Sean Hannity did this and Sean Hannity did that!

Keith Olberman thinks that O'Reilly shouldn't talk about John Edwards because he once had issues with a female employee. Apparently, at least from what I picked up from Olberman, O'Reilly paid some dollars to shut some woman up and I guess that means that he's not allowed to report on it happening to anyone else. Of course, O'Reilly never ran for president, but what do the facts have to do with anything.

I got the feeling watching Olbermans show that he really really doesn't like O'Reilly. Funny though, I never heard a word from O'Reilly about Olberman. About the only thing I've heard from FoxNews about Olberman was a while back I heard that Rupert Murdoch, the owner of NewsCorp, the parent company of FoxNews, said he had to fire him, Keith was Crazy!

Of course, Keith's response was..I know you are, but what am I? Actually he said, Murdoch had to pay me $800,000 and who knows how much money I've taken out of his pocket at NewsCorp, so who's the crazy one. Somehow, he believes that people normally watch his program. But it's on opposite a show that claims to be the number one watched show in cable news, so I don't think he's taking all that much money away from Murdoch.

The other thing I noticed is that they seem to want to turn everything that McCain or his cronies say into a race issue. They played this clip of McCain with Joe Leiberman last night and then they sat there and talked about how what was said by Leiberman and McCain was close to, if not downright racism. I never heard it, saw it, smelled it, or touched it, but somehow they found a racist angle to this clip.

But hey, now I know where all the FoxNews haters get their "talking points". They watch MSNBC. I'll continue to watch MSNBC for the Olympics, but I'll switch to whatever channel the Olympics switch to when it's over.

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Thursday, August 07, 2008
  Is Brian Cashman a genius?
I was watching the Yankee game last night on ESPN and one the other night on TBS and I noticed something. The two big names that the Yankees picked up right before the trade deadline are really contributing to the teams success.

One player they picked up is a guy who I've been a fan of for a long time. Ivan "Pudge" Rodriguez is now catching for the Yanks and he's doing a helluva job! Last night, he saved the day with an awesome play at home plate.

On a nice line drive shot to right field in the bottom of the second inning, Bobby Abreau fielded the ball and threw a rope to Pudge at the plate. As Pudge said, "You just block and wait for impact." He did and there sure was one, impact that is, Pudge and the Rangers David Murphy collided in front of the plate. This was after the Rangers had already scored twice in the inning and it was looking to get pretty ugly for the Yankees. Pudge may have saved the day! He held onto the ball for the third out of the inning and the Rangers only scored once more in the game.

The bad thing about the collision was that both players left the game afterwards. From what I can find on the internet, Pudge is okay. He's got a bruise on his knee. Murphy messed up a ligament and is expected to miss two to four weeks. You never like to see that happen, but hey, there's no crying in baseball!

Then in the bottom of the sixth, Brandon Boggs of the Rangers hit a line drive to left field. The other big name that the Yankees picked up made a beautiful diving catch to save two runs. Xavier Nedy, who the Yanks picked up from the Pirates right before the deadline is batting close to .400 since coming over. I saw him hit a two run homer last weekend against the Angels and then last night he made that awesome defensive play. Plays like these just make the Yanks front office look too damn smart!

Now let's see if they can take this win and run with it. It seems like every time the Yankees win one, the Deadsox do to...and those pesky Rays just won't die!

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  I should have done this months ago...

But I didn't. It's done now though. Over on the right side of this blog are all my links. If you look in the section called fun stuff, you'll see that I changed the WORLD CHAMPION NEW YORK GIANTS logo.

Yeah, that's right, you have to live with it. Let it be known right now, that if you're not a Giants fan like I'm a Giants fan than you are REQUIRED to refer to them as the Superbowl Champion New York Giants for the next year. There are a few other acceptable titles that you may use, but I prefer one of the two I've mentioned so far.

You can simply refer to them as "The Best Damned Football Team in the World", or, Champs might be acceptable, but that will all depend on the tone in your voice. And, if you're a Patriot or a Cowgirl fan, then you're required to curtsy when you say it. Don't give me any lip, just do it!

Have a nice day!

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Wednesday, August 06, 2008
  Another email funny...
Republican in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress nodded "yes," so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.

The next patron to come in was a Libertarian with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over there?" The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and ordered, "Hey there, honey! How's about gettin' me a cold glass of Miller Light?" He too, looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that God's boy over there?" The waitress once more nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold glass of beer, "On my bill," he said.

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed". The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus also passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed". The Libertarian felt his back straightening up, and he raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door.

Then Jesus walked towards the Democrat. The Democrat jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me...I'm collecting disability!"

I'm sorry, but I find these things amusing...life is funny that way!

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Friday, August 01, 2008
  Of course we don't need to drill!
This is the guy that a lot of people want to be the next president of the US!



Don't worry about that rolling total when you pull up to the pump, just put more air in your tires!

All I can say is....WOW!

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Not sure if I am THE ugly American, but I must be AN ugly American, because some Canadian told me so!!!

My Photo
Name:
Location: Virginia Beach, United States

20 year Navy vet, originally from NJ now living in Virginia Beach and yeah, Life Is Good!

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