The Ugly American: History lesson, the genesis of conservatism Locations of visitors to this page
Open links in secondary window
The Ugly American
Thursday, August 31, 2006
  History lesson, the genesis of conservatism
Sorry...I had to...it's just to right for me not to! I got this in an e-mail today and I thought it needed to be shared with everyone!


Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer & would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.

The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented ye t, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.'

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, Federal Service Workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, Military, athletes and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to respond to the above before simply laughing and forwarding it. A Conservative will be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately.
 
Comments: Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Not sure if I am THE ugly American, but I must be AN ugly American, because some Canadian told me so!!!

My Photo
Name:
Location: Virginia Beach, United States

20 year Navy vet, originally from NJ now living in Virginia Beach and yeah, Life Is Good!

ARCHIVES
October 2004 / November 2004 / December 2004 / January 2005 / February 2005 / March 2005 / April 2005 / May 2005 / June 2005 / July 2005 / August 2005 / September 2005 / October 2005 / November 2005 / December 2005 / January 2006 / February 2006 / March 2006 / April 2006 / May 2006 / June 2006 / July 2006 / August 2006 / September 2006 / October 2006 / November 2006 / December 2006 / January 2007 / February 2007 / March 2007 / April 2007 / May 2007 / June 2007 / July 2007 / August 2007 / September 2007 / October 2007 / November 2007 / December 2007 / January 2008 / February 2008 / March 2008 / April 2008 / May 2008 / June 2008 / July 2008 / August 2008 / September 2008 / October 2008 / November 2008 / December 2008 / January 2009 / February 2009 / March 2009 / April 2009 / May 2009 / June 2009 / July 2009 / August 2009 / September 2009 / October 2009 / November 2009 / December 2009 / January 2010 / February 2010 / March 2010 / April 2010 / May 2010 / June 2010 / July 2010 / August 2010 / September 2010 / October 2010 / November 2010 / January 2011 / February 2011 / March 2011 / April 2011 / May 2011 / June 2011 / July 2011 / August 2011 / September 2011 / November 2011 / December 2011 / January 2012 / September 2013 / October 2013 / December 2013 / June 2017 /





Contact me!

andru8259 (at) yahoo.com

Links

  • i AM Promotions on Facebook
  • Search for gas prices by US Zip Code
  • Blogcritics: news and reviews
  • Powered by Blogger

  • Subscribe with Bloglines
  • Search4Blogs - Blog Directory
  • Real Clear Politics
  • FactCheck.Org
  • FoxNews
  • FrontPageMag
  • Slate
  • Drudge Report
  • My-Way
  • RightWingNews
  • ChronWatch
  • RefDesk
  • Google News
  • Google
  • Middle East Media Research Institute
  • CNSNews
  • Media Research
  • Snopes - Urban Legends
  • Worldnetdaily
  • The Smoking Gun
  • check those BS emails!
  • Hubble Image Page
  • Fun stuff!

  • break.com
  • Get Dehydrated Water Now!
  • Check your political compass
  • Check your moral compass
  • QuizFarm.com
  • Check Page Rank of any web site pages instantly:
    This free page rank checking tool is powered by Page Rank Checker service
  • HTML Stuff you need!

  • Click Here For HTML Goodies
  • Dynamic Drive DHTML code library
  • Who Links Here
  • eXTReMe Tracker
  • Get Free Blog Traffic
  • Nickname Generator
  • PageRank Checking Tool
  • Web Directory
  • Blog Directory