The Ugly American: Are you the one in front of me??? Locations of visitors to this page
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The Ugly American
Sunday, March 19, 2006
  Are you the one in front of me???
I'm starting to believe that my gray hair might not be a result of being the father of two daughters but, those really bad drivers out there.

Alright, let’s start this list. Here’s my list of some of the things that really tick me off when I'm driving. Yes, I do own the whole damn road.

First off, if you’re eighty something, don’t take the first doctors appointment of the morning, make an appointment for sometime after 9 in the morning, that way, you’re not in everyone’s way while they’re on their way to work. You also don’t need to go grocery shopping or anything else that early in the morning.

In this country on most major highways, there’s a sign that reads either, “SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT” or “KEEP RIGHT EXCEPT TO PASS”. These signs mean exactly the same thing. They mean for you to stay out of the left hand lane. These signs don’t mean that you can get in the left hand lane and do the speed limit. It means exactly what it says, KEEP RIGHT!

When the light changes to green it is not acceptable for you to allow your car to idle up to your preferred speed of 25 MPH. The light only stays green for a certain length of time and by putting through the intersection you’ve just made sure that a few people are either going to run a red light or get stuck back there. Just because you don’t have any place to go, doesn’t mean I don’t have somewhere to go.

That’s one I see all the time. People out on the streets with no place to go. Doing 25 in the 35 or 35 in the 45. I got things to do and people to see and you need to do the speed limit. Yeah I know that’s supposed to be the top speed and you’re allowed to go slower, but don’t do it in front of me!

Here’s another one for you. Just because you THINK you’re a multi-tasker doesn’t mean you really are one. Just because you’re capable of walking and chewing gum at the same time doesn’t mean that you can drive and do ANYTHING else at the same time. You most definitely can’t drive and talk on the phone at the same time.

There appears to be a direct correlation between a driver’s right foot and their mouth. The faster the mouth is engaged the weaker the right foot becomes. Next time you’re driving around and someone in front of you is not doing the speed limit I’ll bet you they’re either really old or really busy…on the phone! There is one other stereotype I could use here, but I’m trying to be nice. So, HANG UP AND DRIVE!

Making right hand turns from the left hand lane is another one of those really nifty moves I see all the time. If you think you might need to make a right hand turn in, oh I don’t know the next half mile or so, then get over in the right hand lane! Is it that hard to figure out?

Here’s a good one. Have you ever noticed the brake lights flickering or always lit on the car in front of you? That’s one of those two footed drivers. I guess they think they’re slow motion NASCAR drivers or something. How are we supposed to know when you’re really braking if your brake lights are always lit? Besides, you’re polluting the air with brake dust. You’re supposed to use only one foot to drive unless you’re driving a stick and that’s the right foot! Get used to it.

Just because you put your blinker on doesn’t mean you can automatically switch lanes. Your turn signal DOES NOT open a spot for you in that lane. If I’m following the appropriate distance from the car in front of me and you move in there you just messed up all the spacing. And since we’re on this one, let’s talk about slow motion drag racing.

You know what I’m talking about here. Two cars going the same speed with nothing but empty road in front of them and a miles worth of cars behind them. If there’s an idiot up in front blocking the left hand lane and a line of cars waiting to get around him it’s not alright for you to go cruising up the right lane only to cut in up there where the bone head is blocking everyone. 10 cars behind you just had to slam on their brakes because of you! Remember, you’re only supposed to pass on the left. That’s why they have those signs, KEEP RIGHT EXCEPT TO PASS. You pass on the left.

Here’s another one. When you decide you’re going to pull out into traffic, PULL OUT into traffic! Step on the gas pedal…get that car moving! This isn’t hard you know. And don’t sit there and wait until I’m so close that I have to slam on my brakes. If you’re gonna pull out then pull out and pull out into the right lane, not the left lane. You don’t get to cross any lanes when you’re pulling into traffic. On that same note. If you’re on a 4 lane road and you see someone waiting to pull into traffic, be nice, move over and give them that inside lane.

This is one I see a lot too. Signs all over the road…one of the lanes is ending. So, just about everyone starts doing the right thing, moving over into the lane that’s still open. Then, some A-hole decides that he’s gonna go cruising up the lane that’s closing and cut in somewhere up there. He/she get’s what 3 or 4 cars ahead in the traffic jam? I promise if you try to cut in when I’m there, you’re not gonna make it.

That's all I can think of right now...but I'll add to it I'm sure. Any ideas?
 
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Not sure if I am THE ugly American, but I must be AN ugly American, because some Canadian told me so!!!

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20 year Navy vet, originally from NJ now living in Virginia Beach and yeah, Life Is Good!

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