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The Ugly American
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
  Man this is cold!
This, from my old hometown newspaperThe Asbury Park Press

Let's see, we have the old Story of George Jones getting a DUI on his lawn tractor, now we have this:

63 year old Zamboni operator John Peragallo was charged with drunken driving after a fellow employee at the Mennen Sports Arena in Morristown, NJ called police and reported that the machine was speeding and nearly crashed into the boards. Don't they always almost crash into the boards?

I've seen a bunch of these machines over the years and I didn't know they could speed! Makes me wonder what someone would consider speeding in a Zamboni.

According to the artical, he wasn't even driving the ice cleaning machine when they arrested him. Sounds like he could claim that he got trashed AFTER he got off the Zamboni, but I'm not a lawyer. I mean, he did manage to get off the machine without breaking his neck...that outta be worth something in court!

Police said Peragallo's blood-alcohol level was 0.12 percent. Levels of 0.08 percent and above are considered legally drunk in NJ and most other states.
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
  If this is true, it's just to AWESOME for words!
You know how everyone is all up in arms about the recent supreme court decision regarding our property rights and how the government can pretty much tell you to go screw yourself if they want your property?

Well I just received this e-mail from a friend. I haven't been able to prove it's authenticity, so I'm going to reprint it here in it's entirety. Correction...I have found a link!

This is not a joke.

Below is our letter to begin the development process.
Read our letter starting the project here.
Press Release
For Release Monday, June 27 to New Hampshire media
For Release Tuesday, June 28 to all other media

Weare, New Hampshire (PRWEB) Could a hotel be built on the land owned by
Supreme Court Justice David H. Souter? A new ruling by the Supreme Court
which was supported by Justice Souter himself itself might allow it. A
private developer is seeking to use this very law to build a hotel on
Souter's land.

Justice Souter's vote in the "Kelo vs. City of New London" decision allows
city governments to take land from one private owner and give it to another
if the government will generate greater tax revenue or other economic
benefits when the land is developed by the new owner.

On Monday June 27, Logan Darrow Clements, faxed a request to Chip Meany the
code enforcement officer of the Towne of Weare, New Hampshire seeking to
start the application process to build a hotel on 34 Cilley Hill Road. This
is the present location of Mr. Souter's home.

Clements, CEO of Freestar Media, LLC, points out that the City of Weare will
certainly gain greater tax revenue and economic benefits with a hotel on 34
Cilley Hill Road than allowing Mr. Souter to own the land.

The proposed development, called "The Lost Liberty Hotel" will feature the
"Just Desserts Café" and include a museum, open to the public, featuring a
permanent exhibit on the loss of freedom in America. Instead of a Gideon's
Bible each guest will receive a free copy of Ayn Rand's novel "Atlas

Clements indicated that the hotel must be built on this particular piece of
land because it is a unique site being the home of someone largely
responsible for destroying property rights for all Americans.

"This is not a prank" said Clements, "The Towne of Weare has five people on
the Board of Selectmen. If three of them vote to use the power of eminent
domain to take this land from Mr. Souter we can begin our hotel

Clements' plan is to raise investment capital from wealthy pro-liberty
investors and draw up architectural plans. These plans would then be used to
raise investment capital for the project. Clements hopes that regular
customers of the hotel might include supporters of the Institute For Justice
and participants in the Free State Project among others.

# # #

Logan Darrow Clements
Freestar Media, LLC

Phone 310-593-4843

This is not a joke.

I hope it's not a joke. I hope they do it to the other 4! Couldn't happen to a nicer guy!
  This joke is SOOOOOO bad...that I just had to share!
Got this one in an e-mail today and just had to share!

There was a tradesman, a painter called Wayne, who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often would thin down paint to make it go a wee bit further.

As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Baptist Church decided to do a big restoration job on the painting of one of their biggest buildings. Wayne put in a bid, and because his price was so low, he got the job.

And so he set to erecting the trestles and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with turpentine.

Well, Wayne was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, and the sky opened, the rain poured down, washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Wayne clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.

Wayne was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got on his knees and cried: "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?"

And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke...

(you're going to love this)

(wait for it)

"Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"
Monday, June 27, 2005
  As Larry would say...that's funny, I don't care who you are!
A little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE guy
standing next to him.

The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says,
"7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound
right testicle, Turner Brown."

The small guy faints dead away and falls to the floor.

The big dude kneels down and brings him to, slapping his face and
shaking him. When the little guy finally comes around, the big guy asks him,
"What's wrong with you?"

In a very weak voice the little guy says, "Excuse me, but what
EXACTLY did you say to me?"

The big dude said, "I saw the curious look on your face and figured
I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm
7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch penis, my left testicle
weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds and my name is Turner

The small guy says, "Thank God! I thought you said 'Turn around.'"
  Pro Golf in the U.S.
I watched some of the ladies U.S. Open over the weekend and I have to say…some of those ladies can really play some golf! This tournament was actually more entertaining than the men’s Open and I think it was all because of the courses they were played on.

I’m a weekend golfer…you know, a hacker…and I probably always will be. I’ve played some unbelievably beautiful golf courses over the years and there are a few more that I’d love to play. The course the ladies played on over the weekend, Cherry Hills, outside of Denver, CO, I’d include in that list of beautiful golf courses that I’d like to play a round on one day. Pinehurst #2, dead in the middle of North Carolina, the course the men’s Open was played on, is not on that list. As a matter of fact, I have a short list of golf courses I don’t want to play and I’m adding Pinehurst #2 to it!

One of the things I read on the U.S. Open web site when the men’s Open was going on was that the average size of a green on the course was 6000 square feet. Think about that! That’s at least twice, if not 3 times the size of the average home in Virginia Beach! The big problem with that LIE is that though the greens may have been 6000 square feet; there was only 600 square that was useable.

I watched it happen too many times in the Men’s Open. Players hitting up to the green miss their shot by a foot one way or the other and forget about it! Ball is gone, one or two more shots and they might be on the green! I can do that! I don’t need to watch it on TV! Some times, you’d be watching and thinking, nice shot, only to watch the ball end up in some impossible position and then having to listen to Johnny Miller tell us all how fair the golf course was that day. The only reason you could call it fair is because everyone was playing on the same course. Nothing else about that course was fair. Speaking of Johnny Miller, when will my cable company give me a character mute button? Wouldn't that be awesome? The ability to mute specific talking heads?

Watching the ladies play their Open, with several amateurs competing well with the pros was interesting. Watching the men play Pinehurst and look like a bunch of bad weekend golfers was not. Some of the ladies fell apart in the final round, come on! It’s their biggest golf tournament of the year! It’s bound to happen. No one in the ladies tournament finished under par. Come on! It’s their biggest tournament of the year, it’s supposed to be hard!

Anyway, shot an 82 yesterday…Life is good!
Thursday, June 23, 2005
  Only in an airport!
Only in an airport would a bottle of water cost more than a bottle of soda! Unbelievable!!! And it was like 50 cents more! And it was no name water! And it cost more than $2! But they know they got you! A captive audience! I think the thing that amazes me the most is that they look you in the face and say, "2 dollars and 57 cents please....and they don't even crack a smile or a smirk! Freakin' robbers!

I feel better!
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
  This one is worth sharing!
The day after his ex-wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your ex-wife," said one trooper.

"Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted.

The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really good news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."

The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you sir, but this morning we found your ex-wife's body in Kachemak Bay."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"

The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs and six good-size Dungeness crabs on her."

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the really good news?"

The trooper said, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow!"
Friday, June 17, 2005
  People Executing Tamed Animals!
This is beyond disappointing...this is downright disgusting! PETA employees in Norfolk, VA have been arrested and charged with 31 felony counts of animal cruelty and 8 misdemeanor counts of illegally disposing of dead animals.

Ahoskie, NC police were investigating the fact that for at least a month now, someone had been throwing dead animals into a dumpster behind a local shopping center, when they busted Adrai Hinkle and Andrew Cook throwing dead dogs, cats, kittens and puppies into a trash bin! Hinkle has been a PETA employee for over 2 years.

PETA president Ingrid Newkirk said, "We are appalled if this actually happened." Actually happened? What, did those animals end up in the bin by some miracle? She also said of Adrai Hinkle, "She's the Mother Teresa of animals. She's a very kind, decent person."

Among the dead animals were a cat and her two kittens. "These were just kittens we were trying to find homes for" said Patrick Proctor of the Ahoskie Animal Hospital. "PETA said they would do that, but these cats never made it out of the county."

Proctor said he evaluated one dog for police and discovered a healthy, 6 month old mutt with a needle mark on its front right leg. Must have been a junkie dog, why else would PETA do this to a puppy?

Proctor is done with PETA, "PETA will never pick up another animal from my practice!" Good for you Dr. Proctor!

Dr. Proctor also identified a "death kit" found in the van that these, to use a word from the HBO series Deadwood, cocksuckers used to kill these poor animals. It contained syringes and two drugs that only licensed veterinarians are allowed to have.

You know, I never liked these sanctimonious assholes to begin with and I'm really hating them now!
Thursday, June 16, 2005
  Now I know the definition of moonbat!!!
This is unbelievable!

From the Washington Times by way of BlogCritics I read this! Morgan Reynolds, former chief economist for the Department of Labor under W says that the World Trade Centers were not bought down by two 767's, but, along with WTC 7, were part of a controlled demolition. He says that's the only way that 911 could have happened. No speculation on who was behind the demolition.

There are two other things I think I find even more amazing. The first is that this guy Morgan is now a professor emeritus at Texas A&M! Holy Mackeral! Is there any kind of screening process for professors? The second amazing thing is how many people managed to surf into BlogCritics and add to this totally crazy theory! There are links to pictures that supposedly show the charges going off right before the buildings collapsed. Of course, this pressure buildup that can be seen from the bottom of the building has nothing to do with 1 acre floors collapsing on top of one another!

So now we can identify a moonbat. They seem to be infesting our nations universities. At least Ward Churchill will have someone to sit with at the faculty dinner! Yeah yeah, I know, they don't work at the same school.Ok, how about this...inter-faculty functions?

Hats off to John Bambenek for alerting me to this wacko!
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
  Funny video!
A friend sent me this link...thought it was funny enough to share!


Enjoy, it's a little bit long, but it gets very amusing!
  The people that live in this town!
I read a letter in the editorial section of the Virginian Pilot today from Vicktoria Mudd of Virginia Beach, complaining about teens hanging out on street corners down at the beach. She says, "Sadly, I am reminded why the locals do not venture to the Oceanfront during tourist season." Sadly, I am reminded of the grouchy old people that lived around me when I lived in between two retirement communities in AZ. Anything a child or a teen did out there was guaranteed to be wrong!

As it stands now, you can’t drive on Atlantic Ave (cruising law), you can’t curse anywhere at the beach(signs that read NO #%&*), if you park slightly wrong anywhere around the ocean front for more than 2 minutes your car will be towed. You can’t drink a beer on the beach. Make a misstep at 2AM and you’ll be arrested for drunk in public. I’ve even heard stories of someone sitting in the back of a car, being ordered out by VB police and then arrested for drunk in public! We have garbage music piped in at 2:15AM for who knows what reason other than to annoy people. Let's not forget the glaring spot lights they use to light up Atlantic AVe at 2AM!

So what’s next? What about all those teenagers loitering on the beach itself? Why not just turn the ocean front into a New Jersey type beach, PRIVATE! Then people like Ms. Mudd can have what they want, the beach all to themselves! Of course, it’ll come with a membership fee. I guess Ms. Mudd and her friends can make sure they set the fee high enough to make sure these obnoxious teens can’t afford it!

Ms. Mudd says these teens are intimidating! Someone intimidated by kids obviously has never had any!
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
The U.S. Open starts this week. So, more than likely, I'll be parked in front of the TV for a good portion of the weekend...watching golf and napping...that's how it start to watch...the commentators start rambling on about nothing and you doze off for a little while. Wake up and watch...wait for the leaderboard to see who's doing what...then crash out again...

I wish golf was this relaxing when I'm playing...I think there would be a problem falling asleep while driving the cart...probably end up in a lake somewhere!

Who's gonna win...I'm picking Tiger...yeah yeah, I know that's the easy way out...but how can you go against the guy? Freddie's been playing pretty well and I like watching him and there's always big John long as he can keep his head together...

We'll see...I like watching the majors...not sure I'd want to play on a 7200 yard course though!
Monday, June 13, 2005
  Monday morning laugh!
Gotthis in an e-mail...thought it was funny enough to put up here. I think we use a lot of the "wrong" sayings where I work. I doubt this will change anytime soon!



Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of
normal conversation with their co-workers.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended,
this type of language will be no longer been tolerated. We do however,
realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings
when communicating with co-workers.
Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so
that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective

I think you could use more training.

You don't know what the f___ you're doing.

She's an aggressive go-getter.

She's a ball-busting b__ch.

Perhaps I can work late.

And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

I'm certain that isn't feasible.

No f______ way.


You've got to be sh__ing me!

Perhaps you should check with...

Tell someone who gives a sh__.

I wasn't involved in the project.

It's not my f______ problem.

That's interesting.

What the f___?

I'm not sure this can be implemented.

This sh__ won't work.

I'll try to schedule that

Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?

He's not familiar with the issues.

He's got his head up his a__.

Excuse me, sir?

Eat sh__ and die.

So you weren't happy with it?

Kiss my a__.

I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.

F___ it, I'm on salary.

I don't think you understand.

Shove it up your a__.

I love a challenge.

This job sucks.

You want me to take care of that?

Who the hell died and made you boss?

He's somewhat insensitive.

He's a d___k.

Thank You,
Human Resources
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
  My world view???
I took this quiz because it seemed interesting. It seems to describe me.

You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.

Cultural Creative
















What is Your World View? (updated)
created with

Thanks again quizfarm!
  Another quiz for your amusement.
I found this one kind of amusing. I guess because I answered all the pot smoking questions yes, I get classified as a stoner...I personally think I was more of the rebel, but hey...when the shoe fits!

You scored as Stoner.





Ghetto gangsta








Drama nerd




What's Your High School Stereotype?
created with

Thanks quizfarm!
Thursday, June 02, 2005
  An optical illusion?
While I was at the pre-race activities for the Coca Cola 600 in NC last weekend. I saw a lot of things that were fairly entertaining. One of them was a woman that climbed a 200 ft pole. At least I thought it was a pole, until they started to dismantle it. Check out this picture.

That guy at the top of the ladder/pole was up there a lot longer than the young lady that climbed it. I'm not taking anything away from her, but I was a little disappointed when the illusion was revealed to me at the end.

In case you can't see it...from my perspective, it looked like a pole...until they started taking it apart...that's when I could see that it was in fact...a ladder!
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
What an awesome weekend!

Headed back down to the Charlotte area last Thursday for more racing and golf.

The first thing we did when we got there was take a trip out to Joe Gibbs Racing. The friends I was staying with know some people and we had our very own personal tour of the facility. Some pretty cool stuff to see here. We were taken around the entire facility, but there was a sign posted above the entry way into the fabrication area that said no pictures beyond this point. All I can show is the view from the top

Friday morning we played golf. Cabarrus Country Club, located in Concord, NC, is a very private club. I can’t remember the last time I played golf on a course that I didn’t have to wait on the group in front of me at least a few times during a round. Cabarrus limits the amount of rounds that are played and I’m here to tell you this place was in GREAT Shape!

After we finished playing golf on Friday we went out to a couple more race shops. Last week I told you that we had visited DEI and at that time I had been impressed. Well, not anymore! After visiting a couple other race shops, I've come to the conclusion that DEI is hiding something. DEI is the only race shop I visited while I was down in the Charlotte area that DIDN'T let you see how they build cars. I was told that this is because of the late Dale Earnhardt's widow, Theresa. She's the controlling influence around there and what she says goes.

Anyway, the first shop was Roush Racing Remember, there's no money in racing people! This place was really cool. It had some awesome displays in what can only be called a museum. Stuff like this!

And this is some of the stuff I did before racing even started! I'll post another one dealing strictly with the 600 a little later.
Not sure if I am THE ugly American, but I must be AN ugly American, because some Canadian told me so!!!

My Photo
Location: Virginia Beach, United States

20 year Navy vet, originally from NJ now living in Virginia Beach and yeah, Life Is Good!

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