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The Ugly American
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
  A couple of observations
While I was at the post office yesterday I made a couple of observations.

The first observation I made I shared with a couple of people in line with me at the time. There was a sign on the counter that listed methods of payment at the post office. They showed three different methods, check, debit card or credit card. I made a passing mention to the lady in front of me in line, “look at that, the post office doesn’t take cash!”
She looked at me and said, “Really?” I informed her that I wasn’t sure, but I thought they might take cash. You couldn’t tell it from the sign. It is my understanding that the post office prefers anything but cash.

The second observation I made was when I heard an older gentleman ask one of the postal workers if they could get his keys from the mail slot. Apparently, he had dropped his keys down the slot along with the letter he was posting. I learned at an early age that you MUST be careful with the stuff you don’t wanna lose. It became even more evident while underway in the middle of the ocean on a navy destroyer.

I watched too many guys waiving keys or radios or whatever else around in the air, only to see them fly, in slow motion it seemed, over the side. The really cool thing about the middle of the ocean on a nice sunny day is you can watch things sink into the deep blue for quite a long time! Of course, it’s only really cool if it’s not your stuff doing the sinking.

Anyway, when I heard this guy explaining himself to the postal worker, I started to think, where would be the worst place you might be holding something like your keys when they inadvertently slipped out of your hands.

I’ve come to the conclusion that the one place you would never want to be holding your keys while you were busy doing something else would be a nice (or maybe not so nice) public restroom. Now ladies, you have to try to comprehend this one. I understand that it might be tough, beings that you don’t stand to pee. Can you imagine, dropping your keys in a urinal, or worse, a full blown toilet, only to discover that you left that armpit length rubber glove back home in your own bathroom from the last time you dropped your keys. You can’t flush, the keys will go bye-bye! You’re left glaring at your keys through that nice yellow haze that you just put there.

What would you do? I have pictures in my mind of someone looking around to make sure no one was watching and then slowly putting his arm in and retrieving the keys. There’s also the picture of someone moving to fast and splashing that golden liquid all over himself and the rest of the stall. Personally, I think I’d go find a stick or a coat hanger or ANYTHING other than my hand. With my luck, when I left to go find said instrument someone else would show up. Someone that ate bad Taco Hell the day before! And guess which stall he picked?

Now that I’ve completely screwed up your appetite for whatever meal of the day it is while you’re reading this, remember; keep your stuff in your pocket!
The only thing I could think to say was "no shit" (no pun intended)

I wonder how much longer we will use currency? Probably forever, but who knows these days.
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Not sure if I am THE ugly American, but I must be AN ugly American, because some Canadian told me so!!!

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Location: Virginia Beach, United States

20 year Navy vet, originally from NJ now living in Virginia Beach and yeah, Life Is Good!

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